The Fear of Being Alone

Marlo Thomas’ new book entitled:  “It Ain’t Over…Till It’s Over: Reinventing Your Life–and Realizing Your Dreams–Anytime, at Any Age,”  has just been published.  It tells the stories of 60 women who have reinvented their lives, and I’M IN THE BOOK.  A promotional campaign has just been launched, and Marlo Thomas will be interviewed on The Today Show to promote her book.  I will be in a short video clip as part of her interview on the show, and I’ll be telling my story of retiring from my 37-year career as a probation officer and becoming an actress in my senior years.  In Los Angeles, CA, it will air Monday, April 7, 2014 on NBC between 8am and 9am, and again between 10am and 11am.  Check the NBC website for show times in other areas.  Watch it if you can!

Now, onto my blog.

I always used to be so afraid of being alone.  I don’t mean alone for a few hours; I mean alone in life.  That fear seeped into my everyday activities and still influences me.  How many more decades is that going to continue?  I don’t have that many decades left.  I must do something now.

I’m sure some of my poor decisions in a few prior relationships stemmed from that fear–better someone than no one.  How many people remain in bad, destructive marriages, relationships, or friendships because the alternative, being alone and unloved, seems worse?  I did.

I remember in junior high school that if you were seen by classmates outside of school engaged in activities like clothes shopping or going to the movies by yourself, or worse—with your mother, you’d be considered as someone who didn’t have a pal to go with–a loser.  A friend recently confirmed that she’d had the same fear, and still does.

Now, as a senior, I’ve learned to do many things by myself without a second thought.  However, there are still some activities that I avoid if I don’t have a companion.  I don’t travel alone; I don’t go to a movie alone; I don’t go to a restaurant alone.  I reject those pursuits automatically without consciously thinking about them.

Recently, I wanted to see a movie that all my friends had already seen.  I simply told myself that I’d catch it on Netflix, and I moved on to thinking about something else.

I know a lady who travels all over the world by herself.  I admire her–envy her.  I’d like to be able to do that–just call a travel agent and be done with it.  Even though I’m a personable woman and attract people easily, deep down inside I’m afraid that if I travel alone, no one will talk to me; they’ll look at me with pity or scorn because I don’t have someone to be with.  On a conscious level, I know that’s ridiculous.  On a subconscious level, that old lesson from junior high school still controls me.

I’ve broken so many old bonds and blossomed as a result.  I want to break some others.  How about you?

Please forward this blog to others.  To read my previous blogs, just scroll down or click on the entries under “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on this page.  If you’d like to be on my blog notification email list, click here on my book website: and leave a message under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

1 Comment

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One response to “The Fear of Being Alone

  1. Roger Trammell

    Congrats on the mention in Marlo Thomas’ book and the upcoming NBC promotion. I’ll catch it. My mother went through 3 marriages and quite a few relationships trying 2 find Mr. Right. She ended up alone and found solace in her books. I’ve been married 4 times and finally found the right one (24 years). Did it til I got it right. Finally stopped marrying the same personality type.

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