Tag Archives: senior theater

Why Do People Criticize Others?

A few years ago, I went on a wonderful, often very rustic trip to Papua New Guinea.  After returning, I got together with the man I had been going out with for awhile.  I was very excited to show him my photos.  As he was looking through them, he stopped at one, held it up to me, and commented, “Well, you certainly don’t look your best.”  Technically, he was right, I guess.  I had no makeup on and my hair was in total disarray as I was caught on film climbing out of a dugout canoe on a brackish river.  My point here is not the correctness of his statement which, by the way, was the truth as “he” saw it, but the fact that he chose that statement to make among so many others he could have said.  Here are a few possible proclamations he might have opted for: “Gee, what a neat dugout.”  “Boy, that looks like it was fun.”  “You look tired.”  Instead, he chose to trash my looks, albeit subtly–a vulnerable position for anyone.  I knew I looked a mess; he didn’t have to tell me.  It’s really hard to look great floating down a river in PNG in a dugout canoe in the hot, humid jungle after having slept in a bare-bones structure with no air conditioning, no electricity, no indoor plumbing (think a hole-in-the-ground outhouse), and in a sleeping bag on the floor under mosquito netting.  I wonder why he chose to make the comment he did.  What satisfaction did it bring him?  Was he sending me a message that he only liked me when I looked well groomed and attractive?  Was he feeling insecure that he was dating a woman who could look scuzzy sometimes?  Those types of statements–subtle put-downs–only serve to put pressure on the receiver:  I’m unattractive, unloveable, un(fill in the blank) unless I’m always perfect; I always have to be on.  What I’m advocating here is that we examine our motives when we criticize someone.  If the purpose is to help correct his/her behavior, appearance, etc. for his/her benefit, then the criticism might be valid.  However, if the purpose is to assuage your own discomfort, maybe that’s your problem and not that of the person you’re criticizing.  Before you throw out potentially hurtful comments, think if a positive response might be more effective than a negative one.  Demeaning another person doesn’t only demean them, it demeans you as well.  Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested.  To read my previous blogs, click on entries to the right of this page under “Recent Posts” and “Archives.”  To join my Blog Email Notification List, click here on my book website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com, and then click on the “Contacts and Links Tab” to access my contact form.

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Learning from Animals

I’ve written about animals before.  (See the Recent Posts list on the right side of this page:  “The Therapy of Pets”- January 17, 2014.)  Animals are the ultimate stress reducers.  Last weekend, I went on a day trip to visit an unusual, animal rescue compound near Solvang, California.  They had a variety of animals including miniature donkeys; I never knew such a creature existed.  The full-grown mini-donkeys came up to my waist.  Here I am with Princess, a Vietnamese Potbellied Pig.

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While I was scratching Princess’ belly, currycombing a donkey, or petting a tortoise, I forgot about all my commitments, obligations, must-dos, and everything else in my life that stresses me out.

Many animals are so calm, placid, easy-going, and relaxed.  (Those terms may all mean the same, but I couldn’t stop with the descriptors.)  When hanging around them, those qualities spill over onto you.  That’s why hospitals and other institutions often bring in animals for the occupants; it’s therapeutic.  It is so much better, cheaper and has fewer negative consequences than many of the methods people use to reduce stress such as alcohol, prescription medications, illegal drugs, smoking, and excessive caffeinated drinks..

Because of the danger to our lives, health and happiness, we must reduce the stress that life hands each of us.  One thing I use is exercise.  When I’m working on the exercise machines at my gym, I’m concentrating on the workout and not on my stressors.  Animals have that same effect on me.  Since I don’t have an at-home pet in my life right now, I’m always going up to people walking their dogs to get my “animal hit” for the day.  I ask the owner first if I can pet his/her dog.  Afterward, I always thank the dog and the owner for sharing.

Try an “animal hit” whether it be your neighbor’s dog, cat or bird, or a more exotic variety such as Princess.  Let their calmness wash over you and accompany you throughout the day.  Somehow, it puts in perspective all of the little concerns we think are so important and that we allow to drain so much of our energy.

Please forward this blog to others.  To read my previous blogs, scroll down or read them under “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on this page.  If you’d like to be on my blog email notification list, click here on my book website:  AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com and leave me a message under the “Contacts and Links” tab.

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Getting Cut from the Lineup

I’ll be one of several storytellers at SHINE Storytelling, April 17, 2014, 7:30pm, 2019 14th St., Santa Monica, CA 90405 ($5 donation at the door) on the theme for the evening: Taking the plunge.  I’ll talk about going from retired probation officer to actress via a senior acting class I took with my 85-year-old father, and overcoming my stage fright in the process. Check out SHINE’S website at: storiesbloom.com/StoriesBloom/SHINE.html.

I’ll also be giving an author talk/book signing at the Savvy Seniors of Calabasas on April 24, 2014, 1:00 to 2:30pm, Calabasas Library, Founders Hall, 200 Civic Center Way, Calabasas, CA 91302 (preregistration and $5 fee required).  As part of my talk, I’ll discuss the process of writing my memoir, editing it, finding a publisher, and promoting it.

Now, onto my blog:

Have you ever been cut out of something you were sure was a shoe-in for you like a job promotion, a relationship, or even an appearance on a TV program as happened to me last week?

As I blogged about last time, I am one of 60 women profiled in Marlo Thomas’ new book, It Ain’t Over…Till It’s Over.  I was contacted a few weeks ago and told I was one of the subjects chosen to be on the Today Show in a video clip in conjunction with Marlo Thomas’ appearance to discuss her book.

I jumped though all the hoops they asked for with a very short deadline.  I taught myself how to make a short, selfie video on my iPhone.  I taught myself how to upload it to a file sharing website as it was too big to email. I searched for some requested photos buried in my desk drawers of myself at my office when I was a probation officer which I then scanned and emailed.  My stress level was way up there as you might imagine.

On the day of the show, I watched only to discover that I had been cut out.  I was very upset as well as embarrassed because I had told everyone I knew that I was going to be on the Today Show; posted it on some online, group discussion sites; and blogged about it right here.

After wallowing in “poor me” for awhile, I was able to put it in perspective and turn it around.  What had I gained?  Well, there was my photo and a lovely story about me tracing my journey from probation officer to actress in Marlo Thomas’ book; I learned how to take a selfie video for when I might need to do it another time; I learned about file sharing websites; and I got a blog subject out of it.

When something like this happens, we have choices.  Of course, we all have to wallow in self-pity for awhile; that’s human nature.  But, wallowing for too long is unproductive and destructive.  We do have choices; we can choose to move on and get over ourselves.  How long it takes is up to us.

Please forward this blog to others.  To read my previous blogs, scroll down or click on “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on this page.  If you’d like to be on my blog notification list, click here on my book website:  AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com  and leave me a message under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

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The Fear of Being Alone

Marlo Thomas’ new book entitled:  “It Ain’t Over…Till It’s Over: Reinventing Your Life–and Realizing Your Dreams–Anytime, at Any Age,”  has just been published.  It tells the stories of 60 women who have reinvented their lives, and I’M IN THE BOOK.  A promotional campaign has just been launched, and Marlo Thomas will be interviewed on The Today Show to promote her book.  I will be in a short video clip as part of her interview on the show, and I’ll be telling my story of retiring from my 37-year career as a probation officer and becoming an actress in my senior years.  In Los Angeles, CA, it will air Monday, April 7, 2014 on NBC between 8am and 9am, and again between 10am and 11am.  Check the NBC website for show times in other areas.  Watch it if you can!

Now, onto my blog.

I always used to be so afraid of being alone.  I don’t mean alone for a few hours; I mean alone in life.  That fear seeped into my everyday activities and still influences me.  How many more decades is that going to continue?  I don’t have that many decades left.  I must do something now.

I’m sure some of my poor decisions in a few prior relationships stemmed from that fear–better someone than no one.  How many people remain in bad, destructive marriages, relationships, or friendships because the alternative, being alone and unloved, seems worse?  I did.

I remember in junior high school that if you were seen by classmates outside of school engaged in activities like clothes shopping or going to the movies by yourself, or worse—with your mother, you’d be considered as someone who didn’t have a pal to go with–a loser.  A friend recently confirmed that she’d had the same fear, and still does.

Now, as a senior, I’ve learned to do many things by myself without a second thought.  However, there are still some activities that I avoid if I don’t have a companion.  I don’t travel alone; I don’t go to a movie alone; I don’t go to a restaurant alone.  I reject those pursuits automatically without consciously thinking about them.

Recently, I wanted to see a movie that all my friends had already seen.  I simply told myself that I’d catch it on Netflix, and I moved on to thinking about something else.

I know a lady who travels all over the world by herself.  I admire her–envy her.  I’d like to be able to do that–just call a travel agent and be done with it.  Even though I’m a personable woman and attract people easily, deep down inside I’m afraid that if I travel alone, no one will talk to me; they’ll look at me with pity or scorn because I don’t have someone to be with.  On a conscious level, I know that’s ridiculous.  On a subconscious level, that old lesson from junior high school still controls me.

I’ve broken so many old bonds and blossomed as a result.  I want to break some others.  How about you?

Please forward this blog to others.  To read my previous blogs, just scroll down or click on the entries under “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on this page.  If you’d like to be on my blog notification email list, click here on my book website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com and leave a message under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

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Ending a Friendship

I appeared on the Film Independent Spirit Awards Show a few weeks ago in a short, comedy video clip playing the mother of the show host, Patton Oswalt.  Click on this link to see it (I’m toward the end): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGoVtQeUvNw

Now, onto my blog: Have you abruptly terminated a long-time friendship or relationship in sudden anger at something your friend did?  Have you had that done to you as was done to me awhile ago?  I wonder, was the offending behavior really the felony you imagined, or just a misdemeanor?  Maybe your friend unknowingly pushed a button that you’re hardly aware of yourself.  Perhaps the action reminded you of something hurtful that someone else did to you in the past.  However, just because the behavior was similar, were the motives the same?  For example, did your friend stand you up like that other person did because he/she got a better deal, or was it for another reason?  Did he do it with malice, or was it without realization that it would hurt you?   Did you tell him that his behavior was painful to you and give him a second chance?  Or, did you just expect him to read your mind and know?  These are all things we must think about before terminating a long and valuable relationship.  Everyone makes mistakes sometimes (both the dropper and the droppee).  We have to be more forgiving of each other’s mistakes.  On the other hand, if you terminated the friendship because the offense was just one more of a long, established pattern of behavior (or some other motive such as jealousy), then that was a relationship you had been wanting to end but didn’t fully realize it or didn’t know how.  I have described two very different scenarios that resulted in the end of a relationship.  Be careful in ending a worthwhile friendship in anger, because you might be hurting yourself as much as the one you dropped.       NOTE:  Please forward this blog to anyone who might be interested.  To read my previous blogs, click on the entries under “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on the right side of this page.  If you’d like to be notified of my future blog postings, click here on my book website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com and leave a message under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

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Decompressing in a Compression Age

Adv with Dad  Thumbnail IIFirst, before my blog below, I want to tell you that I’m going to be on television tomorrow night, March 1, 10:00PM, IFC cable channel (if I don’t end up on the cutting room floor). I will be in a comedy video clip playing the mother of the host, Patton Oswalt.  I hope you can watch.  Here’s my photo so you’ll know what I look like.

Now, on to my blog:

In my last blog, I wrote about the benefits of solitude.  This post piggybacks on those thoughts.

Life is so tumultuous and becomes more so with each so-called advance.  What looks like something that will benefit mankind often turns out to just put more stress on we humble humans that fill it.  For example, the automobile has proliferated to the point of almost constant gridlock.  Our commute by car now seems as long as by the horse carriage it replaced.

Today’s modern technology makes us more connected, able to work 24/7, able to access more and more data, and on and on.  What happens to our slower evolving bodies in the meantime?  I like the saying, “take care of your body, it’s the only home you have.”

So, what do we do with everything bombarding us for our valuable and finite time and attention?  We decompress!  We must put up a mental gate–a barrier to protect ourselves from the ravages of that bombardment campaign.  It’s hard to do; it takes willpower.

How do we turn off that cell phone, computer, or TV which have become addictive and so much a part of our lives?  Here are a few ideas:  You can make a schedule and allot some quiet time during the day.  You can take a vacation to a place off the grid.  There aren’t many anymore, but seek them out and remember to leave your technology toys behind.  I have a friend who refuses to get a cell phone or computer as she wants to enjoy life without the barrage of technology–smart woman.

Do we really need hundreds of virtual friends on Facebook?  Can we give ourselves permission to stop and smell the proverbial roses?  Maybe.

NOTE:  Please forward this blog to anyone who might be interested.  To read my previous blogs, click on the entries under “Recent Posts” and “Archives” on the right side of this page.  If you’d like to be notified of my future blog postings or contribute a guest blog, you can click here on my book website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com and leave a message under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

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The Benefits of Solitude

First, I want to remind you that I will be giving an author talk/book signing about my memoir:  Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class.  It will be this Saturday, February 22, 2014, 2:00pm at the Los Angeles City Public Library, Central (Downtown) Branch, Meeting Room A, 630 W. 5th St, Los Angeles, CA 90071.  I hope to see you there.

Now, onto my blog:  In great quantities, solitude can be isolating and destructive.  However, in small quantities, solitude can be comforting and cleansing.  I always used to fear solitude.  It left me alone with my thoughts.  It meant that I didn’t have anything to do.  It meant that no one wanted to be with me.  Now, I find that it replenishes me.  It gives me space from the demands of the world–down time.  Solitude enables my creativity.  When I’m alone, my mind is free to wander.  That’s when I come up with some of my best thoughts.  Sometimes, solitude helps when life becomes too overwhelming.  During that time, I give myself permission to take a mental vacation.  I try hard not to make any big decisions, not to have any conflicts, engage only in non-demanding activities, and  just let my mind drift.  Solitude in limited amounts can be refreshing, like sleep.  It can help you pace yourself, stop your hectic running, get off the merry-go-round for awhile.  Don’t fear solitude.  In controlled amounts, it can be your friend.   NOTE:  Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested.  To read my previous blogs, click on the entries under “Archives” on the lower right side of this page.  If you’d like to be notified of my future blog postings or contribute a guest blog, you can contact me at my book website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com under the “Contacts & Links” tab.

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