This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Stop means stop even if that exact phrasing isn’t used. The current seriousness of that command has been the subject of recent court cases involving unwanted sexual encounters. However, there are many other scenarios where we might want someone to stop their behavior toward us.
The offensive act could be physical, verbal, or involve body language or facial expressions. It can pertain to your property, decision making, finances, or any other interference into your personal business by another.
We can choose a variety of methods to convey that we want someone’s specific action to cease. We might hold our palms out in a defensive way, or we might verbalize some sort of displeasure such as “No,” “I don’t think so,” or “That’s not comfortable for me” to name a few.
If your “no” is subtle or open to interpretation, the offender may misunderstand it, deliberately or not. In that case, his/her irritiating behavior will continue until it accomplishes its purpose. The take-away is that you must be crystal clear in your “stop” words or actions. You may have to repeat them several times. You may have to raise your voice. You may finally have to pose a response such as “What part of no (or stop) don’t you understand?” It’s snarky and overused, but it will get the point across.
If you are the culprit, cut it out when someone signals their dislike of your conduct toward them. Unless you have no sensitivity at all, you most likely understood the message, and if you continue your unwanted actions, you have made a conscious decision to do so. Even if you feel that your agenda is more important than your victim’s, it’s their choice how to go about their own life. To ignore that to your own ends is just plain self-serving and mean. People don’t like it when you disrespect them. How do you feel when it happens to you?
Many ignore others rights and just barrel through. However, we all have the prerogative of not being the recipient of objectionable behavior. It’s up to each individual to set their boundaries and prohibit others from crossing them. Such a course is uncomfortable for many to do. Nevertheless, you must toughen up and learn to stand your ground. It’s the only way of controlling your own life rather than allowing others to do so. By acquiescing, you have made a decision to permit the intruder to interfere in your decisions. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s something you want. However, if you don’t, it will upset you, nag at you, and puncture your self-esteem.
Take charge of your own decision making. As a last resort, you just might have to leave the staging area.
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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
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Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years 