Can There Be Life without a Facelift?

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. The books’ descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I went to a medical practitioner today whom I hadn’t seen in person since before the pandemic lockdown. During the meeting, I sensed something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure it out.

I became more and more disconcerted as the exam proceeded. It was not anything negative that she said. In fact, I seemed to be in good health. No, it was something strange about her. I kept staring and staring before it hit me. Her face looked visibly younger. There was the too smooth and blemish free skin with nary a wrinkle or under-eye bag in sight.

OMG, she had a facelift! This is a woman in her late 40s or early 50s who is attractive both in looks and manner. Why did she need a facelift? She, as a medical person, should know better; the potential for something to go wrong is always present with such an action. When she told me how good I looked, was she lying? Was she secretly tsk-tsking at my senior face? Was her thought actually: Get thee to a plastic surgeon, ASAP?

What makes an already successful person strive to appear younger in appearance, or “refreshed” as is used euphemistically in the biz, even at the risk of their health? I have often written on this subject in this forum (see links at end of blog). I find it sad that we are all so insecure and buy into the hype that younger is better. That’s pure bullshit! I’m more content and self-confident in my senior years than I’ve ever been. So many–too many–put a surgical fresh coat of paint on their aging bodies and hope no one will notice.

Am I the only one railing against invasive cosmetic surgery? Am I the only one who has read about the potential disasters from such procedures which can yield monster-like faces, distorted body areas, ongoing pain, and even death? Is everyone so gripped by revulsion of their aging self that they are willing to gamble with the disclaimer of, “Oh, it won’t happen to me”? Does their fervent desire to chase an elusive fantasy so outweigh their consideration of who else might be affected by potential negative outcomes such as family and friends if things don’t go according to the promise of the plastic surgeon?

Maybe the answer is that you’re now single for whatever reason and feel that you must appear younger to compete for a new mate. Or, maybe it’s a significant other in your life encouraging you to get that surgery for their own agenda such as wanting to be the envy of others by squiring around a youthful looking partner. I once met someone who had had a facelift because her husband, complete with full-on beer belly, felt it would resurrect his waning libido. Give me a break!!!

I can understand cosmetic surgery for someone grossly disfigured from birth or a serious accident. But, come on–just to appear younger? When you show up sporting a new mask that looks vaguely similar to the former you, we all know what’s going on. It doesn’t hide your insecurity.

People are being killed in this world, folks. If you have so much extra money, give it to a worthy cause, not toward a quick fix to be something you’re not. If you’ve had “work done” in the past, even if it has been peddled to you as a lifestyle and just part of your regular beauty routine, now is the time to stop it in the future.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and be fashionable. However, as you age, you become more frail no matter how hard you try to wish it away. Any type of surgery and its requisite anesthesia pose threats to your well-being and life. Surgery can be life enhancing and lifesaving. As most doctors will attest, however, use it only as a last resort due to its potential risks. So, avoid elective cosmetic surgery lest the life enhancing and lifesaving aspects go astray.

Links to my prior blogs dealing with cosmetic surgery (scrolling down might be needed on some):

3-2-20: “Widgets for Sale,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2020/03/
4-29-19: “Hiding,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2019/04/
5-29-16: “You’re Fine Just the Way You Are,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2016/05/
5-13-16: “Being at the Whim of Marketers,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2016/05/
6-26-15: “Battling the Inevitability of Aging,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2015/06/
4-30-15: “If You Don’t Age Gracefully, Think of the Alternative–Yikes!” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2015/04/

Photo credit: crucially on VisualHunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Name That Cargo

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

We humans easily become bored. We are always looking for something to entertain us. When I’m sitting at home alone eating dinner, I never just eat. Along with ingesting food, I’m always reading a magazine or book, checking my email, talking on the phone, or studying a script. Of course, when I’m with others, we form a collective entertainment committee. Each shovels down their food when someone else has the floor.

I recently took a road trip to visit family and friends. I had long stretches of driving with flat plains on both sides. Those vast, monochromatic vistas were interrupted only by crops that seemed to go on endlessly before slamming into the mountains surrounding them.

I remember a game my children used to play when they were young and we took road trips. They would spot the cars on the highways we traveled in order to find different states on their license plates. The winner was the one who could find the most states. On my current trip alone, my mind quickly made up a game. It centered around the huge transport trucks accompanying me on my journey. My challenge was to guess the cargo they were carrying.

Some of the trucks had no roofs on their trailers, and the contents were visible, peeking out from the top. I saw one after the other filled with mounds of tomatoes, thousands and thousands of them, rushing to processing plants so that you and I could score a pizza. Another truck was hauling onions, identifiable only as I got very close and could see the small orbs in what had appeared as solid white from afar. My favorite was the one crammed with melons–yum!

Of course, there were lorries with roofs and solid sides. Hmmm, what might they contain? I took clues from the writings and pictures on them to guess at the contents. One from a winery most likely contained grapes. When the outsides themselves offered no hints, I made up scenarios. There are no rules to this game. Only the imagination prevails.

When you find yourself becoming bored, survey your nearby surroundings. Make up your own games: What’s in the truck? How many trees can I count in five minutes? Where is everybody going?

There’s never a reason to be bored. All kinds of interesting things are within your view, your hearing range, and any other sense you use to interact with your environment. Create your own diversion. It’s free and can be a lot of fun.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Covid and Me

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Well, I’d managed to dodge the Covid bullet throughout the 3.5 years since the lockdown which started March, 2020–until now. Yep, I woke up last week thinking I was just very tired. It never dawned on me that I might have Covid. I tried to shake it off and go about my daily business. However, a weakness settled over me, and all I seemed to crave were jumping into bed and sleeping.

I finally took a Covid test and then took a second one because I didn’t believe the first one. How could I have Covid? I am invulnerable.  But there it was, those two little lines staring at me. How, when, and where did I contract this dreaded disease of the decade?

I had returned only a few days earlier from a long road trip. Maybe it was somewhere along the way that I encountered someone or several someone’s breathing in my direction and letting loose a volley of Covid molecules which eventually settled inside of me. Perhaps it occurred after my return home, somewhere in my own ‘hood, where someone did the same. Of course, it’s impossible to know. And even if I were able to figure it out, what difference would it make? Here I am laid low with this inconvenient, albeit temporary–I hope–condition.

All of my plans and regular daily activities have been put on hold. Everything stops when you have Covid. Now, I’m back to the lockdown routine we all became so familiar with a few years ago. I am isolating at home lest I infect someone else; I am isolating at home so I can get better; I am isolating at home…

The difference between now and then are the miracle drugs humanity has discovered. I’ve been vaccinated, boosted, boosted, boosted, and boosted. I recently finished a five-day course of Paxlovid, that wonder medication to help my body fight back. Yes, I am willing to endure its side effects such as an odd taste in my mouth. That is mild compared to the destruction Covid is able to wrought. And, yes, I am back to wearing a mask if I do find myself near another human.

Today’s version is not the Covid of old that we so feared. I’ve never once thought that I would have to be hospitalized, put on a ventilator, and could die. No, the new Covid is more like a mild to moderate case of the flu. Nevertheless, it has clipped my wings. I don’t like it one bit, and I am disheartened when I see that second line show up on my Covid test each day. Yes, it’s taking longer and longer to appear, but there it is, edging in just under the 15 minute time limit–drat.

I’m ready for this to be over! I’m ready to move along with my life. I have places to go, people to see, and things to do. Covid is a roadblock that cramps my style. I feel guilty, complaining when millions have died.  Nevertheless, it feels good to rant. I hate it when my lifestyle is interrupted, especially by something as tiny as a virus. Begone, I say! Get the hell away from me, I say! I’m done with you, Covid!

Take care all. May you have a Covid free rest of your summer. But be prepared, as it could happen to anyone.

Photo credit: Anthony Quintano on Visualhunt

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Confrontation Vs. Retreat

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

When something uncomfortable, distasteful, or intimidating is suddenly thrust in our path, there are two main choices one can make. You can duck your head, retreat, and try to forget it, letting fate be the sole arbitrator of the issue. Or, you can confront the matter which will often cause anxiety and sleepless nights before and after you act. Unless you are in physical danger, the choice that will likely work out best for you is most often the latter. Confrontation or facing the matter full on, shaking though you may be, will let you take charge of your position, feelings, and all the other factors making the issue so unsettling to you, and you won’t be left carrying around those self-flagellating, I-should-have-said thoughts.

Traditional Maori warriors of New Zealand would make a face and stick out their tongues in a menacing manner when confronting enemies. They tried to present as fierce and frightening an appearance as possible with the hopes of gaining the upper hand in the conflict.

Win or lose, you will feel gratified that you stood your ground, had your say, and used your voice. You did not shrink away with your proverbial tail between your legs. That feels good!

We all become anxious over the idea of confronting something that another or many others oppose. We’re worried about consequences that may harm us. All the “what ifs” kick in:

What if he/she never speaks to me again!

What if I’m fired!

What if I’m ostracized by the group, class, tribe, world…!

Those “what ifs” are powerful and do serve a purpose. They cause us to weigh our actions, which is a good thing. If everyone in the world went off “half-cocked” during every interaction, we would live in continual chaos. However, the “what ifs” have a flip side. They can be crippling, preventing us from a course of conduct which might be healthy or beneficial to our own well-being–physical, mental, and/or emotional.

Consider, and then act with your needs as part of the mix. Retreat if that is the prudent course. But, confront when appropriate, even if it’s scary to do so. You will be the winner.

Photo credit: empty007 on VisualHunt

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Wrinkles Are Beautiful!

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. The books’ descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Who defines what is ugly? Although that adjective can be applied to all walks of life, what about when it is directed toward human beings–specifically seniors?

How did aging and the physical signs of it become defined as unattractive? Why is the appearance of youth considered so much more desirable?

Too many seniors look in the mirror with disgust. They see OMG: wrinkles, flab, age spots, gray hair, and other signs of a normal process. Then, they look away in revulsion. This sickness is an equal opportunity malaise; it affects both sexes as they age. Although women seem to talk and do more about it, men are catching up fast.

How sad for us in that age demographic. Must we go through our “golden years” secretly despising ourselves? Can we choose to alter our point of view? Can we “age gracefully” as we’ve heard so much about but have no idea how to do?

Yes, of course we can. It is not mandatory or even necessary to buy into the current hype of: younger is better. We can pity the celebrities who appear and reappear looking “refreshed” when we only have to google their names to find out their awful secret: their real age.

We don’t need to chase the snake oil purveyors who promise us youth while charging outrageous amounts to work their sorcery. This may even involve putting our health and even our lives in danger by invasive procedures, all in a futile attempt to pretend we are younger. I’ve written often on this topic. Whenever I meet a senior who is obsessing about their aging appearance, it motivates me to tackle the matter once again.

Are you really going to spend the rest of your precious years as a recluse because you don’t dare show your older face in public? Are you able to discipline your mind to make your own decisions rather than having them made for you by the media and popular culture? Dare you change your outlook to embrace yourself as beautiful, regardless of the stage of life in which you find yourself?

That is my challenge to you. Yes, I challenge you to find happiness and contentment, which starts with accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are without the need for ongoing, external tweaks.

Photo credit: andrewr on VisualHunt.com

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SYNOPSIS OF BOOKS BY LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Hula

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. The books’ descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

How do we know when something will grab us? How do we find that passion we keep searching for? Well, there are many ways to go about it. Today, I’ll discuss one method: pure, dumb luck.

I realized that I was not getting enough exercise, but lying on the floor at home and doing a bunch of leg lifts or sit ups was just too boring. Working out at the gym was a close second. Yes, I went on occasional walks and even hikes, but those were periodic–sandwiched into time between other activities.

An acquaintance mentioned that she belonged to the Hula Club at my retirement community. I’d seen hula performed over the years, and it looked pretty but not something that beckoned to me. I didn’t even know if I could do it because it is danced barefoot, and I have some foot issues.

“Come to the class, and just watch,” she encouraged me.

So, for the sake of pursuing some body toning, I finally squeezed it into my calendar. Nothing prepared me for the hula vortex that grabbed me and sucked me in. I was indeed able to do the slow, controlled, foot movements, and the music was mesmerizing.

I am enjoying the discipline of learning the routines and moving in cadence with the other dancers. It’s kind of like hula drill team. I’m also improving on making my motions smooth versus the choppy I started out with.

Cherry one on the sundae is that my energy level has improved noticeably. Cherry two is that the class doesn’t just dance in the studio, they actually perform around our community onstage in front of live audiences, which is something I love to do.

I can’t believe how much of my life I am now devoting to hula. I’ve rearranged my entire schedule so that I can attend class twice per week, 2 1/2 hours per class. That doesn’t even account for all of it. There is the time spent at home practicing new dances to the videos the instructor makes in class. There is the time devoted to purchasing and altering my beautiful dance costumes. (That’s me in the photo wearing one.) There is the time for rehearsals at the event venues and the actual performances which we present several times a year. And, still, I can’t get enough of hula.

Who knew that Hawaiian dancing would become an addiction? I certainly didn’t. That was not the plan when I started; I just wanted an occasional workout.

Are you looking for something exciting, stimulating, or purposeful in your life? Try lots of different activities, even those that are not your usual go-to types. Throw that pot of spaghetti against the wall. You might be surprised at what sticks.

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SYNOPSIS OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Forgiving Yourself

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

In my last post, I briefly mentioned forgiving yourself. Several readers contacted me suggesting a deeper discussion. So, I am devoting an entire blog to the subject.

The act of forgiveness is usually thought of as involving two sides. It might be individuals, groups, or even large institutions. “A” does something offensive to “B,” and “B” forgives “A.” However, that scenario can also be played out within ourselves.

It’s been said that we are our own worst critics. We get down on ourselves easily when we don’t meet our personal, self-imposed expectations. Such self-castigation can play on an endless loop and morph into low self-esteem and eventually depression.

Often, we carry those negative seeds from childhood. Someone or many someones in our past may have overtly or covertly conveyed to us that we are lacking and will never amount to much. These could have been parents, teachers, peers, or anyone else in our sphere. So, we spend the next decades of our lives proving them wrong by striving to excel in whatever our chosen pursuits may be. Unfortunately, in a bizarre twist, many just step into the shoes of their former tormentors and change the script into self-reprimand.

Some religions address the problem with formulaic, ritualistic acts of confession and contrition in which forgiveness is the endgame such as the Catholic Church’s confessional. Some governments have ceremonial forgiveness events such as the Truth and Reconciliation Commission held by South Africa in 1996 after the end of apartheid.

What do we do if those options are not available to us for whatever reasons? How do we give ourselves permission to err as all human beings do? How do we forgive ourselves? It’s a tough question, and it’s so hard to do for so many. We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and then judge ourselves as failures when we do not meet them.

Letting yourself become weighed down in self-loathing is completely unproductive. It may manifest in such behaviors as anger, withdrawal, isolation, and the like. If you have significant others in your life, your moods splash onto them which only serves to draw spouses/partners, children, parents, and friends into your misery. Is that really what you want?

When you make a mistake, how about trying to cut yourself a little slack, just as you do with others? Don’t you deserve such treatment like everyone else? Start by being a friend to yourself rather than an enemy combatant.  When you make a mistake, notice it, learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on. The goal is to keep pressing forward. I’ve spoken frequently in this forum about being kind to others. You must also remember to be kind to yourself.

Photo credit: daryl_mitchell on VisualHunt

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

The Hidden Part of the Iceberg

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

It’s easy to be critical of others. We tend to judge them by their exterior packaging, and we do it in the first few minutes of meeting them.

Ninety percent of icebergs are hidden below the waterline; we only see the top ten percent which is exposed. The same is probably true of humans. It requires getting to know them to learn what is hiding in their submerged part.

A few years ago, I was somewhat offended by another member in a class I was attending. I felt uncomfortable whenever she came over to talk to me, because she stood too close, invading the social distance expected in our society. I began to avoid her to the point of being a bit rude if she would approach.

Some months later, I found myself working on a special project which included this classmate. It was only then that I found out she has a significant hearing problem. She stood close to everyone to be able to understand them better. I felt ashamed of myself for my prior behavior. To make amends, I went out of my way to be nice to her and helped explain things when she couldn’t hear them. You should have seen her blossom. She was so grateful for my attention. My guess is that she is often rebuffed by others. I’m sure she has no idea why.

Another incident occurred in a different setting where someone mentioned a new neighbor. In my effort to figure out who she was, I made a dismissive remark about her hair, trying to clarify in my mind who we were talking about. The person to whom I was speaking commented, “You know, she has multiple sclerosis?” Again, I was ashamed of myself. That handicapped woman probably has enough trouble just dressing herself let alone fixing her hair in a style that might suit the likes of me.

I really get down on myself when I behave in a cruel manner toward others. I don’t want to be like that. Usually, I do it without thinking and certainly without the goal of inflicting hurt. I guess the word for such action is “thoughtless.” Yes, thoughtlessness can be painful to others, and most of us have been at the receiving end of it, too.

It’s important to realize that everyone has shortcomings including ourselves. Strive to be a better person; forgive yourself for occasional stumbles; and keep on trying.

Image by Andrea Spallanzani from Pixabay 

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Mini-Diminutions

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

A diminution is the act of becoming gradually less in such things as size or importance. It is the noun form of the verb: to diminish. Have you ever experienced a mini-diminution as a result of someone else’s act or statement? Perhaps you have been the archer behind such an arrow.

Mini-diminution is a term I’ve coined which might be viewed as a cousin to micro-aggression. However, the latter usually has a stigmatized or culturally marginalized group as its target. Nevertheless, both are subtle techniques to dismiss or bring down others, whether overt or covert. People engage in such acts to burst the balloon of, rain on the parade of, or any other way you can describe the effect of such behavior on its victim. This tactic has an endgame of hurting another’s feelings. It could be set in motion by some perceived insult, jealousy, or a myriad of other negative feelings toward the target or even toward a much larger group with the current scapegoat chosen at random.

Recently, I was at a friend’s dinner party, and people were just chatting at the table before the food was served. When I was speaking to the group, another member quickly turned to the person next to him and begin a private, side conversation. That action in a gathering so small made my conversation difficult due to the increased noise-level and distraction. I passed it off, not thinking much about it, although I was a bit irritated. However, when it happened a second time, I pondered whether it was deliberate in order to discount my importance.

Another example happened to me several years ago. I have some antiques in my house as I am partial to them. I invited several family members over to see my new home. During the course of the afternoon, a cousin commented to me loud enough for others to hear, “You know, I’ve never really cared for antiques.” Interesting, as I don’t recall asking her for an opinion on the matter. Yup, another mini-diminution had just landed on me.

Such comments are so subtle that it’s hard to even realize it’s happening never mind confronting the hurler. If you should manage to collect your composure in a timely manner and question the speaker about his/her motivation, you might get a response such as: I didn’t mean anything by it; What are you talking about? or some other such denial.

Why do people perfect the art of the put down? I’ve written on this subject previously in this forum. (Click here and scroll down to read my blog of July 11, 2018, “The Passive-Aggressive Jab.” Click here and scroll down to read my blog of April 1, 2019, “Put-Down Humor.”) Although I wrote those blog posts several years ago, the behavior is alive and well today. People think that by diminishing another, they will raise themselves up–fuzzy math to my mind. If you feel low and don’t think much of yourself, putting somebody else down is not going to do it.

The sadder one here is the slinger more than the slingee. Slingers, rather than enjoying their own lives, spend a great deal of their time nursing angry feelings. Someone has always “done them wrong,” and they fixate on honing payback methods. My only message to such folks is to knock it off and spend your energy on enhancing your own life. The other is just too tiresome for all involved.

Photo credit: Steve Slater (used to be Wildlife Encounters) on Visualhunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Do We Betray the Dead by Choosing to Live?

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I have a friend who was widowed some years ago. She and her husband had been married for several decades when he died. She felt intense grief after his passing and was depressed for a long time. She couldn’t escape the emptiness in their home with signs of him everywhere: the furniture they bought together; his aftershave lotion on the counter next to the bathroom sink; his slippers in the closet. She could barely function for well over a year.

We are all felled by a close death whether it be a spouse, parent, child, friend, other significant person, or even a pet. Grieving is a necessary first step in the healing process.

My aforementioned friend eventually started to venture out–slowly at first. When she found herself forgetting about her husband briefly while enjoying herself in the company of others, she felt guilty. So, she isolated again for many months.

Victorian era custom had widows dressing in all black “widow’s weeds” for long periods of time, even the rest of their lives, after the demise of their husbands. It was probably due to the influence of Queen Victoria who did so for the forty years she lived after the passing of her husband, Prince Albert, in 1861.

Is that custom life affirming or pathological? Is it a betrayal of a deceased spouse or significant other to want to go on with your life? What about dating? Is it okay to want to partner up again?

There are no rules here, even though some individuals or institutions attempt to impose them. That is only a power grab on their part over vulnerable people gripped by anguish. After the sorrow dissipates, a normal occurrence which may take months or years, humans eventually get tired of self-imposed isolation. It is natural, healthy and imperative to reach out to others; to begin to spread your wings; to craft a positive, joyous life for yourself.

If you are in such a situation, you must consider an important question: Do you want to live? You are not a bad person to choose life no matter which route you take: socializing, dating, remarrying, seeking a job or returning to a career, exploring new pursuits… You can still do so in conjunction with remembering and missing your departed one. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Photo credit: Matt From London on VisualHunt.com

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.