The Hidden Part of the Iceberg

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

It’s easy to be critical of others. We tend to judge them by their exterior packaging, and we do it in the first few minutes of meeting them.

Ninety percent of icebergs are hidden below the waterline; we only see the top ten percent which is exposed. The same is probably true of humans. It requires getting to know them to learn what is hiding in their submerged part.

A few years ago, I was somewhat offended by another member in a class I was attending. I felt uncomfortable whenever she came over to talk to me, because she stood too close, invading the social distance expected in our society. I began to avoid her to the point of being a bit rude if she would approach.

Some months later, I found myself working on a special project which included this classmate. It was only then that I found out she has a significant hearing problem. She stood close to everyone to be able to understand them better. I felt ashamed of myself for my prior behavior. To make amends, I went out of my way to be nice to her and helped explain things when she couldn’t hear them. You should have seen her blossom. She was so grateful for my attention. My guess is that she is often rebuffed by others. I’m sure she has no idea why.

Another incident occurred in a different setting where someone mentioned a new neighbor. In my effort to figure out who she was, I made a dismissive remark about her hair, trying to clarify in my mind who we were talking about. The person to whom I was speaking commented, “You know, she has multiple sclerosis?” Again, I was ashamed of myself. That handicapped woman probably has enough trouble just dressing herself let alone fixing her hair in a style that might suit the likes of me.

I really get down on myself when I behave in a cruel manner toward others. I don’t want to be like that. Usually, I do it without thinking and certainly without the goal of inflicting hurt. I guess the word for such action is “thoughtless.” Yes, thoughtlessness can be painful to others, and most of us have been at the receiving end of it, too.

It’s important to realize that everyone has shortcomings including ourselves. Strive to be a better person; forgive yourself for occasional stumbles; and keep on trying.

Image by Andrea Spallanzani from Pixabay 

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Mini-Diminutions

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

A diminution is the act of becoming gradually less in such things as size or importance. It is the noun form of the verb: to diminish. Have you ever experienced a mini-diminution as a result of someone else’s act or statement? Perhaps you have been the archer behind such an arrow.

Mini-diminution is a term I’ve coined which might be viewed as a cousin to micro-aggression. However, the latter usually has a stigmatized or culturally marginalized group as its target. Nevertheless, both are subtle techniques to dismiss or bring down others, whether overt or covert. People engage in such acts to burst the balloon of, rain on the parade of, or any other way you can describe the effect of such behavior on its victim. This tactic has an endgame of hurting another’s feelings. It could be set in motion by some perceived insult, jealousy, or a myriad of other negative feelings toward the target or even toward a much larger group with the current scapegoat chosen at random.

Recently, I was at a friend’s dinner party, and people were just chatting at the table before the food was served. When I was speaking to the group, another member quickly turned to the person next to him and begin a private, side conversation. That action in a gathering so small made my conversation difficult due to the increased noise-level and distraction. I passed it off, not thinking much about it, although I was a bit irritated. However, when it happened a second time, I pondered whether it was deliberate in order to discount my importance.

Another example happened to me several years ago. I have some antiques in my house as I am partial to them. I invited several family members over to see my new home. During the course of the afternoon, a cousin commented to me loud enough for others to hear, “You know, I’ve never really cared for antiques.” Interesting, as I don’t recall asking her for an opinion on the matter. Yup, another mini-diminution had just landed on me.

Such comments are so subtle that it’s hard to even realize it’s happening never mind confronting the hurler. If you should manage to collect your composure in a timely manner and question the speaker about his/her motivation, you might get a response such as: I didn’t mean anything by it; What are you talking about? or some other such denial.

Why do people perfect the art of the put down? I’ve written on this subject previously in this forum. (Click here and scroll down to read my blog of July 11, 2018, “The Passive-Aggressive Jab.” Click here and scroll down to read my blog of April 1, 2019, “Put-Down Humor.”) Although I wrote those blog posts several years ago, the behavior is alive and well today. People think that by diminishing another, they will raise themselves up–fuzzy math to my mind. If you feel low and don’t think much of yourself, putting somebody else down is not going to do it.

The sadder one here is the slinger more than the slingee. Slingers, rather than enjoying their own lives, spend a great deal of their time nursing angry feelings. Someone has always “done them wrong,” and they fixate on honing payback methods. My only message to such folks is to knock it off and spend your energy on enhancing your own life. The other is just too tiresome for all involved.

Photo credit: Steve Slater (used to be Wildlife Encounters) on Visualhunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.