This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Some months ago, I attended a community theater performance featuring a small cast. One of the performers was an acquaintance. After the play was over, the actors came out to mingle with the audience members. I approached my acquaintance and told him he had done a good job. His response:
“Oh, Lee Gale, thank you so much. That means a lot to me coming from you.”
Wow, “…coming from you”! I was taken aback. I didn’t know he thought so highly of my acting abilities. It made me feel warm and kind of special. I also admired him for his willingness to compliment another. That’s not easy for many folks to do; they see it as diminishing themselves.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about the experience.
“Oh, yes, that’s the new thing to say.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that you’re starting to hear that phrase a lot lately.”
Well, I had never heard it before. The whole sweet compliment instantly soured for me. I originally had thought his statement was showing admiration for my work as an actress. What had made me feel respected and validated, now made me feel foolish when viewed through this new lens.
I was full of mind questions: Was the aforementioned acquaintance just using the newest, trendy platitude to throw me some crumbs? Was it actually a subtle snub? Was he laughing behind my back at my naiveté? Did it give him some sort of perverse satisfaction? Was it his “gotcha” of the day? Was I stupid not to have seen through it and to have just accepted it on its face?
I’ll never know if the speaker meant his statement to me sincerely or just as a throw away. What I do know is that I’m sick of the slick, verbal interchange so many humans engage in. It’s old, tiring, and too often in poor taste.
Be honest in your praise of others. Be genuine and stop playing snarky word games; that’s kid’s stuff. Engaging in subtle put-downs is off-putting, and it’s actually the practitioner who ends up in the worst light, not his/her victim.
Photo credit: adeshfr on VisualHunt.com
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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
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Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years 
hmmm… er hem… thinking maybe with friends like that one, mining our insecurities, who needs enemies?
You’re right, of course. However, that’s a different subject–maybe for a future blog.
Lee Gale, I think you missed an important point with this blog. I’ve known you through IWOSC for over ten years and never knew you to be willing to listen to a negative comment without a positive attached. Having worked in the entertainment business in my younger years the best compliments came from other cast members or critics. Having someone not affiliated with my work denigrate a comment made by someone I performed with seems disingenuous at best. The question begs why an acquaintance would undervalue your performance and then make light of a compliment. Perhaps that is the subject of another blog. Keep on writing because I enjoy your stories. And, by the way, I do pass your blogs on to my family members. Paul H.
Hi Paul, it’s great hearing from you! I’m so glad that you enjoy my blog posts, and that you pass them along to family members. As to your comments about this particular blog, I wasn’t trying to highlight the specific example I cited. I tried to make that clear with my disclaimer: “I’ll never know if the speaker meant his statement to me sincerely or just as a throw away.” What I was aiming at was addressing insincere or canned compliments in general. (Maybe I didn’t do so well.) And, yes, the subject of people who deliberately rain on the parade of others might be grist for another blog.