Unsolicited Critiques

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

There is a certain critical personality type. They often make unsolicited, hurtful comments to friends and strangers alike. These can be in the form of left-handed compliments that seem on their face to be positive but have a zinger at the end. I don’t know if the perpetrators are even aware of how their scolding verbalizations come across. Here are a few I’ve received down through the years, none of which I requested:

“Lee Gale, you’re so attractive. You’d be a knockout if you had your face done.” This was uttered by a “friend” who herself chased after that illusive youth using plastic surgery and other procedures. She once confided that she’d have another face-lift if she could afford it. She was in her 70s at the time.

“You know, you’d look much younger if your hair weren’t white.” This was pronounced by a first date who himself had questionable hair. (I think I’ve mentioned this one before in another blog; I’ve never forgotten his verdict.)

“I see you’ve stopped going to the beauty shop and let your hair color grow out. You always did have trouble spending money.” This was expressed by a neighbor who had been a casual friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. She sported an expensive, dyed/highlighted coiffure sitting atop her 85-year-old body.

A relative recently told me that someone commented on her weight problem with the “helpful” suggestion that she attend Weight Watchers. Does the commenter think the victim of their “well-meaning” suggestion doesn’t know about that program? Does said messenger think that they are bringing enlightenment to said receiver of their unrequested advice? Just about all people battling being overweight know more than anyone the programs, literature, and treatments available. They don’t need to be schooled by “well-doers.”

Why do people act like that? Where did they learn such insensitive behavior? Are they really clueless as to how painful such remarks can be? Often, the answer to those questions has to do with their own insecurities. Maybe a parent, teacher, sibling, spouse or peer was hypercritical of them? Perhaps they are perfectionists who insist on that trait in everyone else? They might get a payoff by making someone else squirm?

When you closely examine such a “Good Samaritan,” you may find that they are not as perfect as they’d like to think they are. Everyone has faults. Often, the very thing they criticize others for is something they hate in themselves.

If you’re a person who nitpicks with your criticisms, think about why you do that? Then, cut it out or you might end up with no friends at all. We really don’t want to hear your negative editorials. If we are such a turnoff to you in our present form, then take your business elsewhere. Remember and practice that old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Photo credit: svklimkin on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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How to Pitch to Seniors

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Many younger people don’t seem to have a clue about how to talk to seniors. They use words and techniques that are inappropriate for the conversation, the setting, or the interaction. I have heard this from other seniors and experienced it myself, often in retail sales situations where a younger salesperson is trying to sell his/her widgets to someone the age of their grandparents. I’ve written on this subject previously in this forum. (See my blog of December 29, 2016: Words that Diminish.)

I’ve never understood why enterprises don’t teach inter-generational communication techniques in their employee training sessions. Seniors make up a huge demographic with plenty of money to spend on merchandise and services. They should be courted and approached with the goal of a successful deal. That starts with meaningful communication. So, in the interest of commerce for the betterment of all, here are some tips for those in the business world on how to pitch to senior clients:

1. Don’t demean us by calling us sweetie, honey, my boy, young lady/man, or any other diminutive term that reduces us in stature and makes us childlike.
2. Don’t use “young people” jargon; it makes you appear inexperienced and amateurish. Expressions such as “awesome” or “cool” used as one-word interjections or responses instead of the adjectives that they are belong in conversations with your peers, not in a professional world. When a senior hears such terms, they lose confidence in your ability to handle the business at hand and their money.
3. Don’t speak louder figuring we’ll understand better unless you see signs that we are hearing impaired. We may look frail and vulnerable, but we are not kids. We studied hard in school, worked at jobs and careers, and reared our children.  We are very smart and perceptive even if we don’t look or act it.
4. Identify who your buyer is. If we are the paying customer, talk to us. Never infer by your approach that we are less than adequate. If we are the one pulling out the credit card, signing the check, opening our wallet, or handing you the coins from our piggy bank, we are your target customer.
5. If we are accompanied by someone younger such as one of our adult children or grandchildren, do not talk past us and aim your pitch to them because you think they’re better able to understand. If we’re paying the bill, aim your pitch to us. If we need help from our companion, we can ask for it. 
6. If someone with us begins to assume the major role in the discussion/negotiation, always include us in anything you say, whether it be by spanning your eyes at both of us, addressing each of us individually one after the other, or however you accomplish delivery to a group.
7. Figure out our needs. For example: If I’m shopping for a new car and just want one that is easy to handle, stop trying to sell me all the complicated Bells and Whistles which I don’t understand and can’t operate. Just start with five wheels, four to roll on and one to steer. You might briefly mention that there are optional add-ons if I’m interested, but then shut up. If I want more information about the heated seats, cruise control, lane assist, keyless entry, or any of the other B&Ws that car manufacturers have created to pry additional money out of me, I’ll ask about them. Shoving them down my throat makes me gag and want to flee.
8. Treat seniors with respect and dignity at all times.
9. Always remember: Never, ever, ever shut us out, or you do so to your own detriment.

Finally, to seniors: if any of the above happens to you, just turn and walk away. Never submit to being treated poorly. You deserve to be respected and dealt with properly by anyone with whom you come in contact no matter who they might be.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.