Tone It Down

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after they retire. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

Why do some people feel that it is their place to tell others how to behave? I can understand if the person is in a position where that is expected such as a teacher, employer, parent, mentor.  But, what about when the teller is simply a peer who has decided to take on that role?

I had an experience not too long ago where I was on a tour of an historical house with other people from a club I belong to. At one point, the entire group was crowded into the bathroom while the docent discussed various features. When I noticed an odd-looking metal tank over the bathtub, I put my fingertip on it and asked the docent, “What’s this?”

One member of the assemblage who I barely knew stated in a loud, scolding voice, “Don’t touch that; that’s an antique!” Her manner and resonant baritone caused everyone in that room, about twenty people, to turn around and stare at the miscreant–me.

Technically, she was correct. I should not have touched it. I did so without even thinking.  However, this woman’s delivery and self-appointed authoritarianism was completely out of line. She treated me as though I were a misbehaved child.

What she might have done was take me aside privately after the fact and mention in a calm, nonjudgmental voice that it is not advisable to touch antiques as the oil from skin can be harmful to them. If someone behaves that way toward you, you might take them aside and, in a calm, nonjudgmental voice, notify them that you are not interested in their unsolicited opinion of your behavior.

If you position yourself as an uninvited arbiter of your peers, tone it down a notch or ten. No one is interested in being judged or dominated by you. If you find yourself being ostracized by others, and you have no idea why, perhaps that is the reason. How would you like it if somebody behaved that way toward you?

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Photo credit (modified by user): celesteh on Visualhunt.com / CC BY

Keep Your Promises

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website:  http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

Now, on to my blog:

When we make a promise, it’s a commitment to do what we pledged we would do. It can be something as simple as meeting someone at a specific time and date, or something as large as paying for someone’s college education.

Because promises historically have been misunderstood or deliberately rescinded, society has created oath taking.  In America, this usually involves raising your right hand and swearing, often on a revered object or person, to keep a promise be it telling the truth, fighting for your county, or matters of similar gravity.

Going further to insure keeping promises, the law created an instrument called a contract. Often, when we enter the complex and important promise relationship, we sign a document binding us to follow through on what we promised. If it doesn’t go smoothly according to the plan, we have courts of law with judges who will hear evidence and decide on how the promise should be interpreted and what each party is obligated to do.

In our private lives, we don’t have courts of law to force us to fulfill our promises, we only have our word.  Others to whom we have made promises depend on them and might even make life altering plans according to the terms of our promise.

Are you a person who follows through with your promises, or are you one whose pattern is to break your promises when you want to manipulate the situation, when you get angry, when you’re not in the mood, or for a myriad of other reasons that suit you at the moment?  If you fall into the former category, those in your life most likely trust you and value their relationship with you. If, instead, the latter classification describes you, those in your life probably don’t trust you and avoid ever depending upon you or making promises themselves that you might depend on. Worse yet, they might break promises made to you without a second thought as that has become the established modus operandi of your relationship.

Being pegged as one who can’t be depended upon to keep your promises, you isolate yourself to a lonely cave.  So, if you have no clue as to why people in your life have withdrawn from you, take a look at your own behavior, and see if part of it involves failing to keep your promises.

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Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: West Point - The U.S. Military Academy via VisualHunt.com