Dominating the Conversation

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Certain larger-than-life types always seem to insert themselves into the center of attention. They get away with it as others are too polite to confront them or don’t want to make a spectacle and ruin the occasion. In social situations, however, everyone should be given the opportunity to shine.

Have you ever been with a group of people where one dominates the conversation? Maybe you’re that person. FYI: That gets old very fast. There’s just a finite amount of floor time, and each one deserves an approximately equal amount of it. When the aggressive personality steals more than their share, that means that the retiring personality sacrifices a portion of theirs. Although it may appear that the latter is listening with rapt attention to the thief, don’t be fooled. They are most likely burning with indignation at having been upstaged yet again.

If you are hogging the limelight, remember that it’s not all about you. You may think your particular story is absolutely fascinating as you wax on and on and on, but the truth is that it becomes far less so the longer you jabber, spilling into someone else’s time allotment.

Certainly tell your story, but learn to edit it toward brevity. I’ll give you an example of a run-on tale to which I was subjected by someone I met many years ago during a casual encounter who didn’t know the art of shutting up as his overly detailed chatter dragged out. I don’t remember the particulars of the story, but the gist of his delivery went something like this:

So, she said, blah blah blah.
Then, I said, blah blah blah.
Then, she said, blah blah blah.
Then, I said, “Oh.”

That last line did it for me. It was totally unnecessary as was much of his content. I politely but swiftly took my leave, being careful not to return to where he was holding court.

Are listeners decamping from your too long, too self-centered stories? If you want them to come back, practice the mechanics of the latest boon to science toward the betterment of our lives: the DNA altering CRISPR gene editing technology: snip snip snip.

Photo Credit: LJNovaScotia from Pixabay 

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Completion of Life

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Last month, I attended a meeting of the “Death Café.” The idea originated in 2004 in Switzerland, with the present day model beginning seven years later. Death Cafés have been held all over the world in 66 countries. They enable people to learn about and become familiar with the completion of life. Attendees can discuss their thoughts, their experiences with a loved one, their questions, their fears, and so on. (I’ve written on the subject of death in this forum before. Click here and scroll down to read my blog of 2-4-17 titled, “Your Remains.”)

The meeting started with everyone taking turns discussing why they were there. Some told personal stories of their own illnesses. Some shared anecdotes about their spouse or someone else close to them. Others joked about the subject, maybe to relieve their own discomfort. With a topic so seemingly gloomy, it was strange to see people laugh. When it was my turn,, I said that I did not have any serious, medical conditions or life-threatening illnesses, but that I had thought about death and wanted to learn more about how to handle it and how to help my children deal with it when my time came.

One woman–let’s call her Evelyn–introduced herself and told us that she would be dying in a few weeks. She named a specific date and time. When she stated her name, I realized that I knew her as one of my blog followers. She has periodically responded to my postings with deep and insightful comments.

Evelyn went on to explain that she has incurable brain cancer, and that she has chosen to legally end her life following the protocol of the current law in California where she and I live. The California End of Life Option Act became law in 2016. It allows mentally capable, terminally ill adults who are California residents to obtain lethal drugs from a doctor to self-administer if they qualify. Currently, ten states and the District of Columbia allow it.

I learned that one who has made this decision should carry it out while they are still able to ingest the pills themselves, as no one else is allowed to assist them in doing so. If the subject deteriorates to the point of not being able to take the medication on their own, then medical aid in dying cannot proceed. Evelyn has gotten full approval from her doctor and has been given the pills which she has in a box at her home. The law requires two witnesses to be on hand when she ingests the pills. They will remain with her until she dies, and then they will follow her instructions for disposing of her remains–in this case, the donation of her body for medical research.

Evelyn seemed content and actually ebullient with her decision. She has spent a lot of time thinking about and coming to terms with it. She did not appear depressed or upset in any way. She does not have close family members, but she has informed her friends. She has dealt with bequeathing her property. She has planned her final hours with music she wants played and text she wants read. There is nothing left to handle.

Evelyn was very willing to answer any questions and share her experiences. She appeared joyful and unburdened. Accompanied by a wave of her hand, she ended her talk to the group with, “I’ll see you on the other side.” No one was breathing; everyone was stunned, frozen to their chairs.

Our group leader explained that the appropriate term for Evelyn’s upcoming act is: “medical aid in dying” rather than “assisted suicide.” It is sometimes also called physician assisted death. A quick google search revealed the following definitions:

Assisted Suicide: A person kills him/herself with someone else’s help. 

Euthanasia: A person intentionally administers drugs to another person to end the life of the latter. Euthanasia can be voluntary or involuntary.

Medical Aid in Dying: Without the assistance of others, a person takes a lethal dose of medication obtained from a doctor for the purpose of ending their life.

As is seen in the aforementioned definitions, the difference hinges on who administers the lethal substance. Although the terms “medical aid in dying” and “assisted suicide” seem to be synonymous, the American Association of Suicidology (AAS) sees them as distinct and no longer recognizes the latter term. Euthanasia is illegal in the United States. Medical aid in dying is legal is some states but not in others.

When the meeting ended, I approached Evelyn and introduced myself.

“Oh, yes, I read your blog all the time.”

She reminded me how we had originally met some years ago. When we finished talking, I didn’t know how to end the conversation. What do you say to someone who has chosen when and how to terminate their life, and it is imminent? 

“I wish you the best on your journey,” was what came out.

Evelyn smiled and hugged me as I wiped away my tears. She was comforting me when it should have been the other way around.

Late on the eve of her chosen date, I woke up, my mind filled with Evelyn. I couldn’t go back to sleep and wanted to make some final gesture toward her. We have speech to communicate our thoughts and feelings to others. However, sometimes there are no words sufficient for the task, and we must do the best we can. I settled on sending her an email which said: Goodbye, Evelyn. I’m thinking about you. I didn’t know if she’d even read it, but at least I had reached out. The next morning, an email from her was waiting in my inbox: Goodbye, Lee Gale. I’m looking forward to crossing the rainbow bridge. By the time I read her response, she had already made that passage.

I was deeply moved by Evelyn. Could  I do such a thing in a similar circumstance? Would I do it? Dare I do it? I’m grateful that such an option exists for me, just in case.

Evelyn had chosen death on her own terms. She would be spared an agonizing or stuporous end to her life. Her decision enabled her final days to be lighthearted and content. Happy Deathday, Evelyn.

Photo credit: Brechtbug on Visualhunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY:  LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Don’t Be a Stick-in-the-Mud

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Last weekend in Northern California where I live, we experienced a day sandwiched by two nights of continuous, torrential rain, or as the evening news informed viewers: a bomb cyclone. That was the backdrop to what turned out to be a seesaw several hours for me starting with opening my front door in the morning to a waterfall downpour, a flooded street, and an equally inundated garage. I wadded through, got into my car, and turned the key–to silence. There was no sound of an engine turning over and no lights on my dashboard–the car was dead. I called the Auto Club (AAA) for a battery charge.

Forty-five minutes later, a serviceman arrived.

“It looks like you left your parking lights on and ran down the battery.”

“Of course I didn’t leave my lights on. They’re set to go on and off automatically.”

Then, I remembered that I had been out of town for the previous few days, and while traveling to my destination, I had come upon a stretch of road with signs advising me that headlights were required for the next four miles. It was the middle of the day–bright and sunny, and I had absolutely no idea how to turn on my headlights manually; they only come on when it’s getting dark.

I grabbed at the dial and started turning it, but I couldn’t tell if the lights had come on or not. I tried to re-position the dial where it had started, but maybe I miscalculated. Truth be told, I hate that car manufacturers make my car do my thinking for me. Just give me a knob to pull in and out when I want to turn the headlights on and off. Instead, there is a spinner with five choices indicated by tiny, indecipherable icons, all confusing. At 70 miles per hour, I was in no position to bend over and contemplate little pictures let alone figure out what they meant. It was a barren stretch of highway, and I wasn’t about to stop on the shoulder in order to consult the car manual. I drove the four miles sans headlights, hoping I wouldn’t be stopped by the Highway Patrol or kill anyone in my headlightsless state.

The serviceman jumped the battery, and the car came to life. I chose to have him install a new one anyway.

I don’t want this to happen again, I thought.

Well, I was on my way with just a slight setback. I spent the rest of the day with my children and grandchildren laughing, playing board games, and enjoying a wonderful bonding experience.

Later, after everyone left, I was on my way home after doing a few chores. It was still raining bathtubfuls, but I was in full control, or so I thought. I soon realized I was headed in the wrong direction. Instead of using a driveway to enable my correction, I noticed a vacant, unpaved, land parcel on the corner.

Hmmm, I’ll just drive through that lot which will be much easier.

The possible consequences of intense rain didn’t even factor into my  thoughts. I was a few feet onto the dirt when my tires began spinning. I put the car into reverse–more spinning. Some nearby residents saw my plight and came running to assist me as the rain pummeled them.

“What did you do, slip off the road?”

“No, I was trying to turn around. Pretty stupid, huh?”

My Good Samaritans brought wooden boards for the car’s wheels. The two of them spent about 20 minutes crouched down in the mud jamming the planks in front of my tires to aid my escape. I stepped on the gas pedal and gunned and gunned, but nothing worked. All my tires did were to dig in deeper.

The only recourse was to call AAA to be towed out. I hadn’t used the services of AAA in about a decade, and now twice in one day–gawd! The first tow truck arrived–a flat bed. With hands on hips, the driver assessed the situation and pronounced that he couldn’t do the job with his rig. He called into dispatch for the right kind of tow and left. Another 45 minutes, and now it was very dark out with no letup in the rain. Finally, a savior arrived with the right vehicle.

“What did you do, slip off the road?”

“Ah, it’s a long story.”

Savior bravely stood in the poorly lit street dressed in a neon rain suit and stopped oncoming traffic from both directions. Then, he hooked up my car to his behemoth vehicle, complete with a forbidding light panel on top, and pulled me out in under a minute. When you’ve got the right tool for the job, anything is possible.

One has several choices with a bummed out day like that. I could let it spoil my warm feelings from the time spent with my family, or I could shrug it off and accept that this too shall pass; I chose the latter. While waiting for the tow truck, I called my son who put the phone on loudspeaker so he and my grandchildren could hear my adventures. They were laughing about Grandma’s debacle, and each had an opinion to offer on the matter–more bonding.

When life hands you mud, make mud pies. That’s what the kids do.

***

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY:  LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.