Running

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book synopses follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

CHITCHAT: Check out my recent interview on the “Retirement Success in Maine” podcast by clicking on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwoPVYNACrQ​

Now, on to my blog:

Are you a runner? I am, and it controls my life. I’m not talking about legs as part of the equation. I’m referring to running to and fro–ya know, rushing from one event to another. Every day in my calendar book is crammed full.

My own personal to and fro (aka: Type A personality) lifestyle is my default position. If I don’t step back periodically and stop myself, I am on high speed all the time. Oh, gee, I have an extra five minutes. What should I plug in here? It is a constant challenge for me to control my T & F affliction.

Many of my friends have a similar condition. Everyone is always “so busy, so busy.” No one seems to attend fully to what they’re doing at the moment, because their head is also focused on what they’re going to be doing next, with nary a space for a breath between engagements.

Why do we T & F types behave like we do? I have pondered this question frequently in my attempts to slow down; take a breather; be in the now.  The best explanation I have come up with, at least for myself, is that it is a method of avoiding looking at the painful aspects of my life. We all have some of those, and everyone deals with them differently. For T & F’ers, that is their go-to method. When you overschedule and fill every waking moment, there is no time to deal with those things that cause you emotional pain. Yes, T & F‘ing is none other than a drug of choice, which just happens to be legal and socially acceptable.

Many alcoholics and drug abusers are simply self-medicating away their emotional pain. Isn’t that what T & F’ers are doing? I honed this method so long ago that it has become an ingrained habit that I’m scarcely aware of, because society never calls me out on it. That’s right! No one challenges such behavior; no one ever paints it as negative; there are no 12 step programs for it; and it is actually encouraged as few realize the downside.

For me, that liability consists of being worn out by early evening, feeling overwhelmed with my often out-of-control schedule, and never really having to deal with my hurtful emotions. If you are a T & F’er and wish to get a handle on it, here are a series of steps I’ve crafted that you can borrow:

1. Admit that you have T & F syndrome.
2. Assess whether it is taking a negative toll on your life.
3. Decide if you want to change it.
4. Make a realistic, personalized plan of action on how many activities are reasonable in a given time period: an hour, day, week… Remember to include at-home activities such as cooking, house cleaning, or telephone chatter, as these do not allow for mental and emotional rest time.
5. Reschedule your planned activities with the goal of allowing yourself more downtime each day.
6. Don’t cheat by multi-tasking.
7. Prioritize, and if you take on a new activity, then give up a current one. There is just so much time in the day, and you can’t do it all.
8. Forgive yourself if you “fall off the wagon.” Each day is a clean slate, so simply start over again tomorrow.

Remember, T & F syndrome is addictive behavior. Overcoming it will take time and effort. Your progress will most likely be the proverbial two steps forward and one step back. Be patient with yourself.

Photo credit: Nicolas Alejandro Street Photography on VisualHunt.com

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

On Being Publicly Shamed

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book synopses follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Have you ever been the receiver of a public shaming – that is with lots of onlookers around? I remember such behavior by some teachers toward the children in school when I was young. Unfortunately, it still exists in the grown-up world.

I was in a large class not too long ago, and a particular act I had done was singled out quite vocally by one person as an example of unacceptable conduct. Of course, all action stopped, and everyone present turned to look at me, the culprit, or at least it seemed that way in my mind. I felt humiliated and began stuttering and stammering, trying to explain my behavior, which was actually quite benign. My attempt to defend myself was quickly shut down with the reminder that we had to move on. As you can guess, I spent the rest of the time before the break upset and fuming, unable to pay attention to the classroom instruction being offered. So, what do you do in a case like that?

I had a few options. I could confront my harasser, insult him as he had insulted me, and permanently burn bridges. However, what would that yield me? We both were attending a class we enjoyed, and I would continue to encounter him week after week as we perpetuated a cold war and went out of our way to ignore each other. My new adversary might even badmouth me to others, only making the situation worse. Or, as the matter was relatively minor and probably now forgotten by most, I could simply let it go. But, what would that do for me? Since, in my opinion, I had been wrongly accused and subsequently convicted in everyone’s mind as my input was not part of the mix, I would spend the next few days beating myself up for not speaking out.

Some years ago, I made a decision that I would no longer allow anyone to mistreat me. I was going to challenge such behavior; I was not going to just let it pass, thereby enabling the perpetrator to score points on my back. So, while I was mentally ruminating and tuned out from the lesson at hand, I crafted a plan of action for the intermission. Then, I carried it out.

First, I walked up to the leader of the class, apologized for my behavior, and explained why I had done it, which had been for medical reasons. Then, I marched across the room where the perpetrator was standing. Very nicely and without malice, I told him that I had felt humiliated following his public pronouncement.

Now it was his turn to stutter and stammer; he probably hadn’t expected a retort. He said he had not meant it to be any big deal; he was just making a general point using me as an example. Nope, I was not having any of that! Regardless of his underlying motivation, I was the one who had been the communal scapegoat. I am not on this earth to be used as a prop in someone else’s drama–at least not without my permission. So, I continued my discussion with him, very calmly and without rancor, but making my point that he had no idea why I had behaved as I did, and it was not his place to be judge and jury. He apologized, and the meeting ended with us still on friendly terms–bet he doesn’t do that again.

When you need to stand up for yourself, try to formulate in advance the steps you will take so as not to act on impulse. Make sure you allow the other person to save face so that you don’t potentially end up the loser in the long run. Finally, don’t pull such public scolding behavior yourself. It is painful to others, nobody likes to be at the receiving end of it, and it will just make you enemies.

Photo credit: DonkeyHotey on VisualHunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Can There Be Life without a Facelift?

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. The books’ descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Visit her website at: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I went to a medical practitioner today whom I hadn’t seen in person since before the pandemic lockdown. During the meeting, I sensed something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure it out.

I became more and more disconcerted as the exam proceeded. It was not anything negative that she said. In fact, I seemed to be in good health. No, it was something strange about her. I kept staring and staring before it hit me. Her face looked visibly younger. There was the too smooth and blemish free skin with nary a wrinkle or under-eye bag in sight.

OMG, she had a facelift! This is a woman in her late 40s or early 50s who is attractive both in looks and manner. Why did she need a facelift? She, as a medical person, should know better; the potential for something to go wrong is always present with such an action. When she told me how good I looked, was she lying? Was she secretly tsk-tsking at my senior face? Was her thought actually: Get thee to a plastic surgeon, ASAP?

What makes an already successful person strive to appear younger in appearance, or “refreshed” as is used euphemistically in the biz, even at the risk of their health? I have often written on this subject in this forum (see links at end of blog). I find it sad that we are all so insecure and buy into the hype that younger is better. That’s pure bullshit! I’m more content and self-confident in my senior years than I’ve ever been. So many–too many–put a surgical fresh coat of paint on their aging bodies and hope no one will notice.

Am I the only one railing against invasive cosmetic surgery? Am I the only one who has read about the potential disasters from such procedures which can yield monster-like faces, distorted body areas, ongoing pain, and even death? Is everyone so gripped by revulsion of their aging self that they are willing to gamble with the disclaimer of, “Oh, it won’t happen to me”? Does their fervent desire to chase an elusive fantasy so outweigh their consideration of who else might be affected by potential negative outcomes such as family and friends if things don’t go according to the promise of the plastic surgeon?

Maybe the answer is that you’re now single for whatever reason and feel that you must appear younger to compete for a new mate. Or, maybe it’s a significant other in your life encouraging you to get that surgery for their own agenda such as wanting to be the envy of others by squiring around a youthful looking partner. I once met someone who had had a facelift because her husband, complete with full-on beer belly, felt it would resurrect his waning libido. Give me a break!!!

I can understand cosmetic surgery for someone grossly disfigured from birth or a serious accident. But, come on–just to appear younger? When you show up sporting a new mask that looks vaguely similar to the former you, we all know what’s going on. It doesn’t hide your insecurity.

People are being killed in this world, folks. If you have so much extra money, give it to a worthy cause, not toward a quick fix to be something you’re not. If you’ve had “work done” in the past, even if it has been peddled to you as a lifestyle and just part of your regular beauty routine, now is the time to stop it in the future.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and be fashionable. However, as you age, you become more frail no matter how hard you try to wish it away. Any type of surgery and its requisite anesthesia pose threats to your well-being and life. Surgery can be life enhancing and lifesaving. As most doctors will attest, however, use it only as a last resort due to its potential risks. So, avoid elective cosmetic surgery lest the life enhancing and lifesaving aspects go astray.

Links to my prior blogs dealing with cosmetic surgery (scrolling down might be needed on some):

3-2-20: “Widgets for Sale,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2020/03/
4-29-19: “Hiding,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2019/04/
5-29-16: “You’re Fine Just the Way You Are,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2016/05/
5-13-16: “Being at the Whim of Marketers,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2016/05/
6-26-15: “Battling the Inevitability of Aging,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2015/06/
4-30-15: “If You Don’t Age Gracefully, Think of the Alternative–Yikes!” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2015/04/

Photo credit: crucially on VisualHunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.