Monthly Archives: June 2019

Bailing Out at the Last Minute

Final Book CoverThis blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  My above memoir was just included in the Pretty Progressive website as part of a list under the title, “Women’s Book Club Made Awesome Thanks to These 28 Discussion-Worthy Books.”  To view mine, scroll down to #19 at this link:  https://prettyprogressive.com/womens-book-club-made-awesome-thanks-to-these-28-discussion-worthy-books/

Now, on to my blog:

handshake 2How important is it to stick to your word? I mean, what’s the big deal if you back out of a promise or commitment?  I’ve addressed this subject before (see blog of May 14, 2018: “Keep Your Promises”), but this is a different slant.

To most people, it can be irritating, upsetting, or even painful when someone reneges on plans with very little notice.  The one depending upon your acting toward a specific end may have staked a lot on that promise.  They may have switched around other obligations, refused new invitations, or generally rearranged things in their life with your agreement as the catalyst.

We all have to change our arrangements from time to time; we’re human. However, try to give lots of advance notice. Backing out of a commitment at the last minute is fraught with all types of fallout.

The practitioners of short notice bailing-out may do so for acceptable reasons.  Something seriously urgent may have come up, they may legitimately have been delayed, or they may have had an accident. But often, it’s something as simple as: they don’t feel like it, they expended their energy on other activities that day, or they got a better deal.  I’ve been at the receiving end of such behavior from time to time.  What I’d like to ask those actors is, “How do you feel when someone backs out on you late-term?”

I remember once a friend who was divorced telling me that her young son had waited for hours in front of the house for his father to pick him up for their planned excursion, but the father never arrived. The son was devastated. The father’s subsequent excuse was lame and selfish.

I have been involved in relationships where the other party became angry and spontaneously backed out of a promise or commitment as a means of control or to inflict hurt. Of course, I learned never to trust their promises, and I proceeded accordingly.

Here’s a variation on a theme:  Years ago, I had a friend who, when I’d suggest a particular date to meet, would check her calendar and tell me, “I don’t have any plans for that day, yet.” I couldn’t figure out if that was a yes or a no. What exactly does “yet” mean in that context? It became clear that her pattern was to hold me off to see if she got a more exciting opportunity.  She probably practiced that technique with most in her sphere, placing herself in a position to wiggle out if she desired.  Needless to say, she is now a former friend.

When others rely on your word, and it soon becomes clear that said word is unreliable or of a waffling nature, the blow back to you will be a loss of trust and a rift in the relationship. Go ahead, take the plunge–commit. Then, do your utmost to follow through, even if you’re pissed off or get a better, last-minute offer.  If you can’t seem to do that, don’t be surprised as one friendship after another melts away

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Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: chez_sugi on Visualhunt / CC BY-SA

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Filed under active seniors, Baby boomers, gerontology, healthy aging, longevity, reinvention, retirement, senior citizens, successful aging

Fixations

Final Book CoverThis blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

Now, on to my blog:

Roman noseI have written often on this subject, yet it keeps calling me back.  I hear chatter, see ads, discover new offerings in this field.  Yes, we humans fixate on our bodies. We find the parts that are not considered attractive in the time, age, and location in which we live, and we obsess about them. I’m too tall/short/scrawny/corpulent, my nose is too big, my hair is too limp, my eyelids are slanted, my ears stick out, my biceps aren’t muscular, my breasts are too small/large, and on and on.

Of course, styles in beauty and attractiveness change with the times.  Peter Paul Rubens, late 16th century artist, painted very full figured women as that was considered beautiful when he lived. Today we call them fat. Ancient statues from Rome sport large Roman noses as it was considered good-looking at that time. Today, we seek rhinoplasty for such a protuberance.

Even though I am of average height now, I matured very quickly, and was the second tallest kid in my sixth grade class. The tallest was also a girl. I hated it and wished I could be little, cute and popular like Bunnie. I remember that we had ballroom dancing classes in school every week, and they would line us up by height, the boys in one line and the girls in another side by side. I was always second to the last in the girl’s line, or last if the aforementioned tallest was absent. Chances are, I would get one particular boy as my partner who was wimpy and had an underbite.  I’m sure he wasn’t any happier drawing me to dance with during the “ordeal,” either.  I hated the whole thing.

We run to our idols: doctors, surgeons, hairstylists, personal trainers, fashionistas, anyone who can disguise or change that horrible feature about ourselves that we hate. Once we do away with one, we find another to fixate on.  Okay, the bump in my nose was removed, but how about my big hips? Okay, I got rid of my wrinkles, but I hate my receding hairline. Let me run to the gym and work out, let me get liposuction, let me stuff myself into girdles, slimming pants, A-shaped skirts, Hawaiian shirts, let me starve myself–anything to hide my awfulness from the eyes of others.

How sad we humans are. How funny we would seem to alien beings arriving on our planet. How strange we must seem to the animals of the world.

Does a horse fixate on its mane being shorter than another’s–darker, lighter, thicker, thinner?  Yes, certain traits in the animal world attract a mate: longer tusks, larger chests, more colorful feathers, etc. However, we humans have taken it to an extreme as we are wont to do. If it doesn’t come naturally, we spend our time, energy, and money scurrying to the fixers of our fixations.

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Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: Son of Groucho on Visualhunt / CC BY

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Filed under active seniors, Baby boomers, gerontology, healthy aging, longevity, reinvention, retirement, senior citizens, seniors, successful aging, wellness