Ending a Friendship

I appeared on the Film Independent Spirit Awards Show a few weeks ago in a short, comedy video clip playing the mother of the show host, Patton Oswalt.  Click on this link to see it (I’m toward the end): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGoVtQeUvNw

Now, onto my blog:

Have you abruptly terminated a long-time friendship or relationship in sudden anger at something your friend did?  Have you had that done to you as was done to me a while ago?

I wonder, was the offending behavior really the felony you imagined, or just a misdemeanor?  Maybe your friend unknowingly pushed a button that you’re hardly aware of yourself.  Perhaps the action reminded you of something hurtful that someone else did to you in the past.  However, just because the behavior was similar, were the motives the same?  For example, did your friend stand you up like that other person did because he/she got a better deal, or was it for another reason?  Did he do it with malice, or was it without realization that it would hurt you?   Did you tell him that his behavior was painful to you and give him a second chance?  Or, did you just expect him to read your mind and know?

These are all things we must think about before terminating a long and valuable relationship.  Everyone makes mistakes sometimes (both the droppor and the droppee).  We have to be more forgiving of each other’s mistakes.  On the other hand, if you terminated the friendship because the offense was just one more of a long, established pattern of behavior (or some other motive such as jealousy), then that was a relationship you had been wanting to end but didn’t fully realize it or didn’t know how.

I have described two very different scenarios that resulted in the end of a relationship.  Be careful in ending a worthwhile friendship in anger because you might be hurting yourself as much as the one you dropped.

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