Pity Parties

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I have a friend who was involved in a serious bicycle accident a few years ago that left his face badly scarred. He began isolating, not wanting to go out in public because he felt so ashamed. He was convinced his appearance was off-putting to everyone.

Has something like that happened to you or someone you know? Certainly, if we feel unattractive according to current standards of acceptable appearance, it’s hard not to become disgusted by ourselves. We’ve all heard the old adage: “Beauty is only skin deep.” However, when it is you who is the not-so-beautiful one, it takes a strong person to go forth in spite of being physically unappealing, whether from birth or a future occurrence.

I once knew a man years ago who was born with a condition called giantism. He was large with very big hands and feet, and his facial features were all extremely exaggerated. Nevertheless, he projected such confidence and charisma that what was a shock upon first meeting him was soon forgotten. This man had a beautiful wife, two normal looking children, and was also an extremely successful businessman.

We all eventually learn to compensate for our shortcomings starting from early childhood. When a person is strong in some areas but weak in others, they naturally develop their strengths. That is how we decide what to study in higher education and what jobs to seek. Emphasize what you do well, and hone it to becoming adept and standing out in that pursuit.

If your imperfection happens later in life such as a sudden physical disfigurement, build up another area of your talents and lead with that in your interactions. For example, if you’ve always depended on your good looks and then lose them for whatever reason, develop that writing or musical skill that has been lurking in the background for decades.

Real friends don’t care about your impairments. We all have something wrong with our bodies both in our youth and as we age. Often, it is internal or mental, and it doesn’t show. That doesn’t mean it’s any less serious. Everyone needs loving support. Others understand and will react to you that way.

Try not to waste the precious time you have left wallowing in self-pity. I know it’s hard not to; we all end up there for a while and have to grieve our lacks or losses. But, then we must get back up on our bikes and cycle on.

Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash

***

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Road Trippin’

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I wanted to attend an event hundreds of miles from my home. When I told my son that I planned to fly there, he freaked out.

“Mom, the planes have circulating air, so they’re not too bad. But, the airport can be a Covid superspreader!”

Somehow, he seemed okay with my driving, so that’s what I decided to do so as not to add further stress to his life. I was a little intimidated about making the trip by myself until I changed my mindset. Instead of thinking about it as a long excursion of hundreds of miles, I approached it as a bunch of short commutes. I would stop frequently to rest, walk around, and eat. Along the way, I would visit lots of family members and friends, staying a few days with each to break up my journey. With my new way of approaching the whole endeaver, it turned out to be a cinch.

_{Dos Amigos Pumping Plant,
Calif. Aquaduct – San Luis Canal}

It was a pleasant drive on a long straight highway. I enjoyed California’s agricultural heartland as I cruised along. The highway seemed to contain more giant trucks than cars. Those big rigs just kept coming, many of their cabs painted in spiffy colors presumably reflecting their drivers’ vibes. Do those bright tones perk up the long-haulers and help them stay alert as they wrangle their transports for thousands of miles? I enjoyed sharing my road with them as they carried fruits and vegetables from the surrounding land or cargo containers recently off-loaded from the ships moored in the ports of San Francisco and Oakland, all to quench our citizens’ appetites of various types. (I’ve written on this topic before in this forum after a similar trip six years ago. Click here and scroll down to read my blog of August 9, 2016, “Driving to My New Life.”)

I whizzed by growing produce. The farmers in the area had erected signs to inform passing motorists of their views about the government’s control over the water they need for their livelihood. A great engineering feat is responsible for that.

I paralleled and crisscrossed the remarkable California Aqueduct through various phases of my journey. It has brought the life-saving liquid to this parched land, allowing it to grow thirsty trees and crops. It’s impressive, and it’s also very political as to how that water is allocated.

The whole show was presided over by enormous electrical towers spaced regularly and stretching for miles. Just as the aqueduct carries the precious water throughout my state, those towers carry the precious electricity that we humans have come to depend on.

I sailed past patches of wild mustard, their perky yellow screaming for attention wherever they grew. As I continued, I also saw mining operations. I observed cattle grazing on hillsides and crowded together in fattening yards. I came upon construction equipment building infrastructure and new houses in recently leveled land developments. All are enterprises to keep our life as we know it going.

When I arrived at Pyramid Lake, I pulled over to rest and eat a sack lunch. People in other cars were doing the same.

After two wonderful weeks, my journey was almost over. I was sad to see it end but anxious to go home. One of the highlights of travel is the anticipation of both the departure and the return.

I’m proud of myself for my accomplishment. I did it and feel more emboldened. It’s a great sensation to conquer something that seems hard.

If an undertaking appears daunting to you, spin it into something doable. Breaking it into baby steps from a huge whole can help. It’s only a matter of interpretation.

***

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Jealousy

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Are you jealous of others or of a particular other? That other could be someone with whom you have a long history such as a relative, friend, or neighbor. Or, it could be someone you’ve known for a short time or as an acquaintance such as a classmate, co-worker, or casual contact.

Do you pretend to yourself and the world that it doesn’t bother you although the truth is that it gnaws at you? When these types of involuntary feelings interfere with your life, well-being, and all around comfort, it’s time to admit it, examine it, and work on it.

Most of us experience some jealousy to one degree or another. It occurs in all ages, sexes, and strata of society. You may not even consciously realize that such envy is consuming you. As adults, we get pretty good at masking our feelings, even to ourselves. We offer excuses, explanations, and interpretations for our thoughts and actions. However, those may boil down to just plain old jealousy.

Here are a few questions to ponder: Although you may have been very accomplished at your career, did you always experience those envious sensations whenever you were around (fill in the blank) who had a more prestigious job? Did you make a lot of money at your chosen profession, but it just never seemed to hold its weight against (fill in the blank) who earned more, lived in a larger house, had more laudable children, spouse, pets…? Did you stop associating with (fill in the blank) as it was just too unsettling to be around him/her? Probably, they had no idea why you distanced yourself from them, and likely neither did you. These scenarios can be extrapolated to all sorts of circumstances. Think of one in your life.

Humans are always comparing themselves with others and trying to compete. We’re careful not to make it seem like a contest as that would appear too pretentious. Nevertheless, we do it anyway and just cover it over with socially acceptable behavior, speech, or any other tools we can use to flaunt our stuff without making it seem like we’re flaunting our stuff.

Hasn’t that gotten old? Isn’t it just too tiring and energy draining to play that game anymore? What a shame that so many seem driven to continue with such behavior which serves no purpose and doesn’t enhance them. We’re not truly mature until we can be okay with what we have accomplished and happy that another has achieved what they have. It’s time to grow up, people.

Photo credit: Melly Kay via Visual hunt / CC BY-NC-ND

***

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.