When Caretakers Fall Short

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

When a family member, friend, or even an acquaintance has become infirm either gradually or suddenly, it is frustrating not to be able to contact them. We want to communicate with him or her; we want them to know we care; we want to offer our assistance; we want a status update.

If a caretaker is involved whether it be a spouse, other relative, or hired worker, they may become the gatekeeper with power to grant or deny us access to their charge. We become annoyed when that caretaker doesn’t answer our phone calls (the line is always busy or the answering machine is disabled), doesn’t respond to our emails or voicemails, or fails to open the door if we make a personal visit and ring the bell repeatedly followed by pounding on the unyielding entrance.

We must remember to be gentle with the caretaker, too. That person probably has their own personal issues (we all have them) whether they be health, financial, interpersonal, or whatever. If the caretaker has a close relationship with the patient, they are probably overwhelmed with the trauma of their loved one’s serious disability, becoming a full-time caretaker, and having to assume all the responsibilities for them both.

If friends and interested parties are barraging the caretaker trying to reach the sick one or find out about their status, the caretaker may be setting boundaries to protect their own fragile state. (I’ve written on this subject previously in this forum. Click here and scroll down to read my blog of 10-12-17: “Taking Care of the Caretaker.”)

I have a good friend who was active and vibrant up to the day she recently had a stroke and became unable to talk or walk. One of her children instantly became her full-time caretaker. Friends trying to contact her have become annoyed and even angry at the daughter for her limited response.

Be understanding. Keeping outsiders up-to-date is very low on the list of priorities when looking after a seriously ill person. If you are concerned about whether the patient is not being cared for properly or is even in danger, a call to your local, social welfare agency might be in order. If you believe the caretaker is truly acting in the patient’s best interests, you may have to put your own needs on hold. If you want to help in some way, consider leaving a care package (food, clothing, flowers, etc.) at the front door or sending something similar through the mail.

Try to be sensitive to a very difficult situation. Remember, it’s not all about you and your needs.

Photo credit: faungg’s photos on VisualHunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

The Ultimate Recycling

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Where do we go when we die? Philosophers, theologians, and just ordinary folks have been pondering that question for centuries. Religions create elaborate stories about what becomes of us after we are deceased. Rewards and punishments may be attached to those beliefs, and they are usually dependent on what type of life one has led when they were still living.

Science also weighs in on the matter. The Laws of Physics, especially “The Law of Conservation of Mass,” says that matter cannot be created or destroyed; it just changes form. Think about water (H₂O in chemical terms). It alters its configuration according to the temperature where it is located. If the weather is very cold, it may freeze into ice. If the climate is mild or moderate, it will be a liquid. If it becomes very hot, it morphs into a gas.

We are like water. Eventually, after we die, we will change form at the atomic level. Maybe one day we’ll combine with other atoms and become part of a tree or anything else you might think of. Being a component of a tree actually doesn’t sound so bad. As a tree, we will get to enjoy the sweet things of life: wind whipping through our hair–ah, branches; our beautiful attire (aka foliage); birds alighting on our boughs and setting up household; people admiring us and sheltering in our shade; or kids hanging a swing from our limbs and cavorting under us–maybe even our own progeny.

Prior to your body disintegrating and joining the great universe, there is another use you can choose for it. It is accessed through the “Willed Body Program.” My parents donated their bodies to a medical school to help advance scientific research for the betterment of those still alive or not yet born. I have chosen to do the same.

If that is something that appeals to you, just contact a local university that has a medical school, and inquire about their Willed Body Program. They probably have details on their website, or they will mail you literature about it along with a form to fill out and return. Once they receive your signed authorization, you will be sent a card with their contact information to keep in your wallet stating that you are enrolled in their program and instructing whomever has custody of your corpus when you pass away to get in touch with them. Once they are notified, they will dispatch someone to pick up your remains.

We must be grateful to those who came before us and made the decision to recycle themselves for the good of mankind; we are among their beneficiaries. Such an act is true altruism, and it can have a secondary effect of making the donor feel good about themselves while they’re still living.

Life is a cycle; we move through it in various forms. Maybe such a realization can make our looming human death a little less frightening.

Photo credit: clurr on VisualHunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.