Category Archives: senior citizens

Half-Assed vs. Whole-Assed

Final Book CoverThis blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

September 9, 2018, 3:15pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement,” THRIVE Expo –  sponsored by The Gazette newspaper, Hotel at Kirkwood Center, 7725 Kirkwood Blvd SW, Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 (No RSVP Required)

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

DonkeysSome people put a tremendous amount of effort into what they do: jobs, leisure time, parenting, helping others, etc. Other people do as little as possible on such activities. Why is that?

Let’s look at the workplace for example. When I was working at my career as a probation officer, it was obvious to all my co-workers who the people were who really did a good job and who were the ones  who did as little as they could to just get by. The latter group was not bad enough to be fired; they managed to produce to the level of being barely competent. I could never understand their motivation or lack thereof.

The way I see it, even if you don’t particularly like your job or work, you have to be there for a certain amount of hours each day.  It’s just too boring not to tackle your task with effort and enthusiasm. If you must do the time, do so in a way that brings reward to yourself.

Performing a half-assed job is fraught with negativity, yields feelings of inadequacy, and produces minimal reward.  Doing a whole-assed job gives you a sense of accomplishment, approval from peers and superiors, pride in yourself, etc.  This dichotomy can be extrapolated to all areas of your life: your home, your relationships, your leisure time, etc.  

Even the great Albert Einstein worked a day job for seven years in a patent office before leaving to take over the chair in theoretical physics at the University of Zurich. Purportedly he was well-liked, and even received a promotion at that earlier, survival job which he referred to as his “cobbler’s trade.” 

If you must be a waiter while trying to bag that great acting role, why not be the best waiter you can be? Those seconds, minutes, hours, and so forth spent at the job are the same amounts of time deducted from your lifespan. So why not make them as rewarding to yourself as possible?

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Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: MarilynJane via VisualHunt /  CC BY

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Filed under active seniors, Baby boomers, gerontology, healthy aging, longevity, reinvention, retirement, senior citizens

The Passive-Aggressive Jab

Final Book CoverThis blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events(RSVP REQUIRED)

September 9, 2018, 3:15pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement,” THRIVE Expo –  sponsored by The Gazette newspaper, Hotel at Kirkwood Center, 7725 Kirkwood Blvd SW, Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 (No RSVP Required)

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

BoxingWhat I’ve termed the “passive-aggressive jab” is definitely a one-two punch thrown when you aren’t looking. It’s that oh-so-subtle put down that you can’t quite define, can’t quite grasp. The PAJ is usually delivered when you’re off-guard, and all of a sudden you sense that everything feels weird.

The jab thrower might be a friend, relative, boss, teacher, co-worker, acquaintance, stranger, or any other relationship description.  He/she might have a pleasant smile on his face during the punch, so you doubt that it was really meant the way it made you feel.  You wonder if you are wrong in your assessment, and you doubt your own sanity.

Am I crazy, or did he just say that?

The puncher’s comment is usually structured so it can be interpreted in different ways.  You wonder what kind of a person are you to attribute it in such a negative manner.  Maybe he meant it in the best possible light, and you’re the creep.

Over time, you begin to notice more such behavior on the part of the jabber. After a while, you begin to suspect that you were right all along. However, any confrontation will yield something like “What are you talking about? That’s not what I meant.”

You have been turned into the bad guy.  He and anyone else he can enlist into his camp look at you askance and defend poor him.

Why do people behave that way?  It doesn’t matter.  If such behavior stokes his ego in some fashion, that is not your problem to figure out or fix.  What is your problem is how to combat such conduct when it’s aimed at you?  It’s hard, but it can be done.

First, you have to realize that you’ve been the victim of the passive-aggressive jab.  Next, you have to swerve to avoid it, just like the boxer does to deflect the hit.  In this  case, it’s an emotional swerve.  Here are some countermeasures you might employ:

1. Refuse to engage!

2. Don’t respond, even when you suspect that a grenade has just landed at your feet.

3. Resist retaliating in kind; that only becomes a pissing match of put-downs.

4. Stare him down.

5. Wait for an opportune moment where you can whisper privately to him, “I’m not playing that game.”

6. Take your leave, either physically or emotionally.

7. Socialize with others present and avoid your attacker.

8. Maintain self-control.

Remember not to try to reason with him. That’s what he wants so he can make himself look like an innocent.  Instead, try some of the above suggested techniques.  If one doesn’t cut it, try another.  Create some of your own.  Make them work for you.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: maxintosh on Visualhunt.com / CC BY

 

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Filed under active seniors, Baby boomers, gerontology, healthy aging, longevity, reinvention, retirement, senior citizens, seniors, successful aging, wellness

The Big Reveal

Final Book CoverThis blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events (RSVP REQUIRED)

September 9, 2018, 3:15pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement,” THRIVE Expo –  sponsored by The Gazette newspaper, Hotel at Kirkwood Center, 7725 Kirkwood Blvd SW, Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 (No RSVP Required)

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

Before & AfterWe all want to put our proverbial best foot forward when trying to attract a mate (or even friends).  In this highly competitive endeavor, many hedge their truths, puffing up their more desirable accomplishments or traits and downplaying the not-so-flattering aspects. After all, we don’t want to drive someone away before they even get a chance to learn to adore wonderful us.

The grumpy, negative person plasters on a happy face.  The older person chops a few years off their age.  The not quite-wealthy enough person adds a zero or two to their net worth, presenting his/her Mercedes as paid in full when it is really leased.  The not-quite-educated-enough person adds a degree or two.  Makeup, hair dye, clothing, and surgical enhancements all play their part to this end.  But, what happens when the sucker—ah, potential mate, learns the truth?

In lock step with the above overt deceptions are the covert deceptions.  These take the form of “failing to mention.”  If you murdered your mother and just got out of prison, don’t mention it and the sucker—ah, potential mate will never be the wiser, at least not in the beginning.

Many practitioners of the aforementioned arts eventually are forced into “the big reveal.”  After the sucker—ah, potential mate is hooked and “in love,” a circumstance may occur where the hidden fact seeps out.  It could be something like guilt which propels the blurted-out truth, or a situation where the practitioner is caught not knowing something he/she should in his/her purported position.

I remember many years ago where a co-worker told everyone that she had a PhD in Anthropology.  Everyone believed her; after all, who would lie about a thing like that?  One day, the subject of Anthropologist Louis Leakey of Olduvai Gorge fame was the topic of conversation in the coffee room.  Our resident Anthropology PhD didn’t know who he was, information that every student of that discipline learns in Anthropology 101.  Well, that started the entire staff questioning anything she had ever claimed about herself, a despicable situation to be in.

What happens when you and (fill in the blank) are married or at least have been significant others for years, and your secret comes out.  I know someone who was not quite as divorced as she had claimed to her live-in boyfriend of many years.  She was outed by a casual remark from a guest at a party they attended.  Their relationship began to unravel from there.

What about the stark check boxes on your online dating profile.  In this age of connection via internet, you only have a photo and some brief text to catch your fish.  It’s almost a given that years are shaved off ages, photos are out-of-date, and other data is well tweaked.  There are even professional profile writers you can hire to help put that aforementioned best foot forward.

Eventually that shaving, tweaking, and other manners of deception will have its way.  It may take years, but it will.  I have one friend who did her “big reveal” of lying about her age after a few dates with a man she had met online.  He became very angry and walked out in a huff complete with swirling dust clouds.  This same friend subsequently met another man online, again lied about her age, eventually did the “big reveal,” and he didn’t care.  They are now happily living together.

So, there you go.  The big reveal can be malignant or benign.  Ya pays yer money and ya takes yer chances.

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Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo #2 credit: susan402 via VisualHunt.com /  CC BY-SA

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Filed under active seniors, Baby boomers, gerontology, healthy aging, longevity, reinvention, retirement, senior citizens, seniors, successful aging, wellness