This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, available by clicking here Amazon.com, is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com
Now, on to my blog:
Are you a person who has trouble playing well with others? Or, perhaps you know someone like that. Getting along with other humans is a talent gained from part nature and part nurture.
It almost doesn’t matter what you say or convey to others. If done in the right way, almost anything is acceptable. For example, if someone is wearing clothing that you think looks terrible, you can say, “You look awful in that dress,” or you can say, “I think red looks so much better on you than blue.” If someone is doing something you don’t think is correct, you can say, “Don’t do that!” or you can say, “I don’t think they want us doing that.”
If you’re not a natural at warm-cozy techniques of communication and are tired of people drawing away from you or completely ostracizing you, consider practicing some basic requirements. Here’s a list of “musts” that I came up with. Perhaps you can add a few of your own.
- It’s not all about you. Don’t spend the interaction talking only about your stuff or sucking the focus onto yourself whenever possible.
- Do show interest in the others present. Everyone wants a chance to be the center of attention for awhile. Aid in that goal by asking questions of others about themselves and really listen to their answers. You show that you’re listening by maintaining consistent eye contact and asking meaningful, follow-up questions.
- Check your attitude. Don’t come across as irritated, impatient, hostile, pissy, etc. People don’t like that and will begin to avoid you.
- Don’t be the resident expert-in-everything, even if you are. It gets old very fast. As my father used to say, “Nobody likes a smart ass.”
- Be gracious. Say things like “thank you” or “that was really interesting” or “nice to see you again,” etc. People love compliments.
- Be aware of the tone and volume of your voice. Dial both down a notch or ten. Practice exchanging verbal coldness for warmth. Record yourself and listen to how you come across when you speak.
- Body language speaks volumes. Chill out and relax.
- Facial expressions are huge. Everyone is always reading others by the expressions on their faces. Do yours come across as: sourpuss, angry, negative, critical, bored, disinterested, etc? If so, practice in front of a mirror making facial expressions which are positive, accepting, warm, upbeat, supportive, interested, etc. Experience how your face muscles feel with those positive expressions and repeat them in public.
If you can’t figure out how to put into practice some of the aforementioned suggestions, study others who seem to do so effortlessly. Then, wiggle into your actor robes and perform, using them as role models. It may seem strange at first, but you’ll get used to it. Remember, the content is far less important than the delivery.
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Photo credit: Wootang01 via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-ND
We all carry heavy, emotional loads around with us. Some call it “baggage.” Whatever you call it, it exhausts you and depletes your energy. This angst you create for yourself is manifested in: worrying, ruminating, stressing, fixating, obsessing, etc. over what has happened or what might happen. 
I had just exited the airport after flying in from out of town and was waiting for the metro to take me home. When it arrived and the doors opened, I realized I had hit it at rush hour. The car was crammed with humanity—standing room only. That was fine with me; I liked the idea of remaining upright as I had been sitting on an airplane for two hours.
Have you ever been in a situation where you’re surrounded by people much younger than yourself? Have you ever felt invisible as they talk past you? A similar experience might occur even when the others are closer to your age, but they all know each other or attend the same class or go to the same church/temple/mosque, etc., and you’re the odd man out. This might happen when you’re seated at a table while attending an event, marking time in a waiting room, or at any other venue where you find yourself surrounded by strangers who are with others in a common grouping.
Clop, clop, clop—the sound of the horses’ hooves as they pulled the wagon taxi carrying me around Mackinac Island, Michigan last week. It was the time of the Lilac Festival during which all of the lilac bushes covering the island in their various colors and hues perform for the tourists. It seemed that every hotel, restaurant, park, private home and anywhere else something could be planted had its own lilac bushes for passersby to admire, sniff, and use as a backdrop to pose for photos.
No cars are allowed. All transportation is accomplished by horse drawn carriages and drays, bicycles, and good old-fashioned walking. Humans with pooper scoopers as well as machines pulled by draft horses, Belgians and Percherons mostly, ply the roads gathering the equine droppings. They are then composted and spread throughout the island to assist in the growth of those magnificent lilacs as well as other flora.
It is often so hard for distant generations to understand and accept each other and to even communicate. Differences are greater as the years between generations increase. Behavioral and linguistic disparities between parents and children are hard enough, but it becomes more extreme between age spans separating grandparents and grandchildren or great grandchildren. This, of course, can be extrapolated to anyone, not just family members. However, if we are going to live together and benefit from each other, we must adapt and cope, as hard and confusing as it may be.
While on a trip to Scotland last month, I was taking a tour of Edinburgh, the capital. As the guide was waxing on about all the attractions, I noticed this duo: a statue of Dr. David Livingstone, the nineteenth century Scottish medical missionary and African explorer of “Dr. Livingstone, I presume” fame, topped by an uninvited seagull. The statue graces a park in the center of the city. As you can see, the foul fowl has assumed the role of crappor with poor Livingstone as the crappee. I wonder how the renown doctor would have felt about that scenario if he were still alive.
