A Tandakoan’s Reflection on an Obituary

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  Check out my interview on November 20, 2018 (top few paragraphs) in an article in Moneyish.com, a Dow Jones Media Group Publication: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-nearly-3-in-4-women-say-70-is-the-new-50—-but-far-fewer-men-do-2018-11-20  (Correction:  I was a probation officer in Los Angeles, not San Francisco.)

Now, on to my blog:

I opened an email from my longtime, high school  girlfriend, Sheila.  Part of it read, “this was surprising in today’s newspaper.”  There was an attachment, so I clicked on it to find an obituary with a photograph of a woman I didn’t recognize.

As I read further, I realized she had been a classmate of ours, and we had all graduated high school together.  This is the patch from my class sweater of the emblem from our senior class: the Tandakoans, which I’ve saved for fifty-nine years.

Why do we keep such trivial objects?  Probably because they are symbols of passage.  Passages are events that mark major turning points in our lives.  Among all the minutiae of our existence that are quickly forgotten, these are the happenings that we remember for decades. We might celebrate or bemoan them in a ceremonial manner on special anniversaries.

I remember when I turned fifty, Sheila organized a Brownie Troop reunion.  Those attending showed up with photographs of our troop members, Brownie and Girl Scout badges, and other nostalgic items they had kept for decades. Our lives are filled with passages.  An obituary marks the final one.

I hadn’t seen Judy since graduation, but I remember her as a bouncy girl with a ponytail.  The obituary said she had died following a long battle with ovarian cancer.  One by one, our ranks are thinning.  Reading about Judy, I couldn’t stave off thoughts of: when will it be my turn?

Does that frighten me; does that concern me?  Yes and no.  I’m frightened of the unknown, but not of the finality of it, maybe because I don’t even understand what that means.

Can I choose how to make my final passage?  I certainly don’t want the path that Judy took or anything like it.  Living my life to the fullest and going suddenly in my sleep is my preferred choice.  But, all I can do is hope for that and do the living-my-life-to-the-fullest part in the meantime.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Waiting for Upcycle Days

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  Check out my interview on November 20, 2018 (top few paragraphs) in an article in Moneyish.com, a Dow Jones Media Group Publication:  https://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-nearly-3-in-4-women-say-70-is-the-new-50—-but-far-fewer-men-do-2018-11-20  (Correction:  I was a probation officer in Los Angeles, not San Francisco.)

Now, on to my blog:

Life is cyclical.  It’s like a wave with peaks and valleys.  The peaks–the good times–are exciting and exhilarating.  But they can never be sustained.  Life intervenes to drop us into the valleys–the bad times.  It happens to all of us.

No, that guy at work, the neighbor down the block, the classmate at school for whom things always seem to go right are not imbued with some fairy godmother granting their  every wish.  They just do a better job of covering up their valleys than others do.  Don’t ever think that only your life sucks and everyone else’s is wonderful.  It doesn’t work like that.  We all ride the cycles of life.

So, how do we weather those valleys; how do we survive?  One way is to keep looking toward that metaphorical horizon for signs of the next peak peeking over as you slog your way through.  It’s hard and takes constant vigilance to maintain a positive attitude.

It is easy to become discouraged and impatient hoping for things to turn around.  There is not an assured time line.  We can’t know when the peaks will happen, when the valleys will happen, and how long the span between them.  We have no choice but to wait it out.  How we do the waiting is up to us.

We can become depressed, we can rail, we can act out, etc.  Or, we can try to use our down time positively as we wait for it to pass.  Get to work on that story you always wanted to write. Learn that new skill you always wanted to master.  Reach out and connect with those people and places you never had the time to do before.  Take up jogging, walking, gardening, tennis, knitting, gourd carving, whatever.  Even the down times can have little seeds of positivity embedded in them.

Remember, without the valleys, you can’t appreciate the peaks.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: joncutrer on Visual Hunt / CC BY

The Boot

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

Now, on to my blog:

Almost forty years ago, a wartime drama film, “Das Boot,” was released to movie theaters. It took place on a German submarine during WWII.  Das Boot actually translates from German as: the boat.  However, in my case, I am interpreting the literal English meaning: the boot–you know, for a foot.

Yes, the boot has come into my life. Although I don’t anticipate a submarine attack from my particular one, it’s arrival has similarities. It was stealthy, unexpected, and out of nowhere.

It started a few weeks ago when I was returning a rental car at the airport.  While walking to the pickup area to catch my Uber ride, I failed to see that my narrow sidewalk–with rental cars whizzing by on each side–took one step down.  Yep, one step down is how I went–horizontally!  Long story short, I broke my fifth metatarsal bone in not one, but two places.  Hence, “the boot.”

That minor misstep has cut me down.  The boot, upon which I am dependent to get around along with an attendant cane, has ruled my life for several weeks now. It dictates where I go, how fast I go, and how often I go.  Lacing up the six, mean looking Velcro straps of the contraption alone wears me out.  However, I must do so several times a day for foot icing, showering, and sleeping.

Friends from out of town visited for a get-together we had planned months ago.  I had to alter my plans to go out and about with them and to travel for a few days after they stayed in my home.  I knew I couldn’t do the walking, hiking, hill climbing, stair stepping, metro riding, etc., so I begrudgingly opted to stay put as they departed.

So many unforeseen mishaps change our plans, routines, trajectories.  Most people have had their own version of “the boot.”  It commands your undivided attention while everything else is put on hold.

How do we survive a case of “the boot”?  It’s not easy; it clips your wings.  However, we must survive and carry on.  I’m doing a lot of staying in/sitting down stuff:  busy work that has been on hold for months, phone calling, clearing out my overloaded email box, mending clothes, etc.  Actually, it feels good to get a handle on mundane things that have been relegated to the back burner and gotten out of hand.

Try to make the best of your down time.  What other choice do you have?  And remember, be careful–it’s dangerous out there, folks–sigh!

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Jangled on a Train

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

Now, on to my blog:

I arrived some months ago at the San Diego train station ready to board an Amtrak Southern Coaster to travel up the coast of California on my way to my cousin’s house. I had not taken the train in years, and I was pretty excited about the whole thing.

I explained to the ticket clerk that I had just flown into the airport, and my ears were clogged from the landing, so I probably wouldn’t be able to hear the public announcement to board the train. She directed me to the handicapped section where an attendant personally retrieves those waiting there and accompanies them to the train.

When the time came, I walked next to a passenger in his motorized wheelchair who told me he took the train often. We were seated in a special car just for handicapped people.

Much of my ride was spent multitasking–conducting business on my cell phone while looking out the window at the vista as it flashed by. The combination of my clogged ears, the clickety-clack of the train wheels, and the periodic poor phone reception made it difficult to converse.

Apparently, my voice was getting progressively louder unbeknownst to me. Suddenly, a hand appeared from nowhere and dropped a note onto the fold-down table in front of me which held all my business correspondence. It read: Seriously? (double underlined) Quiet!! Do we all “have to” listen to your conversation? Sh-sh-sh! Thank you

Opps, I had offended someone, although I didn’t realize that because one is handicapped one requires exceptional quiet. Nevertheless, I turned around to identify my assailant, and assumed it must be the woman sitting two rows behind me who was hiding behind a seatback.

I stated in a raised voice, “I  apologize if I offended you, but you are always welcome to change your seat.”  She did not respond.

I continued my phone conversation, but did ratchet it down several notches. A short while later, my assailant passed by holding a professionally printed sign which she held up briefly in front of me.  It said something like: Be quiet, this is a handicapped car. She then made her way further down the car and showed it to other perceived offenders.

I thought to myself, what a poor soul, and said to her as she trailed past, “I’m so sorry that I disturbed you.”  Her response: “I don’t care!”

Yes, it made me feel like shouting a retort at her back is she continued down the aisle.  I stopped myself realizing that this woman had enough aggravation in her life, and I could be charitable and not add to it.

If you are spending your brief time on this earth trying to modify the behavior of others to make yourself more comfortable, it won’t work. Focus your efforts on modifying your own behavior. In this case, the woman could have simply inserted noise-control earplugs or earbuds attached to a music device.

If you are a person who is at the effect of someone like the aforementioned passenger, remember to be charitable and understanding of their quirks. After all, your life is probably so much fuller than theirs, and I bet you have a few quirks of your own.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

 

What’s in the Stroller?

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

I was sitting on a metro train a few weeks ago  next to a woman with a Chihuahua in her lap. She kept stroking it and talking to it.  The lady seemed a bit deranged. She had a knitted cap pulled over her hair, no teeth, and her clothing seemed mismatched.  Parked in front of her was a baby stroller with a second Chihuahua in it.  I’m sure both dogs occupied the stroller together when the woman was out and about on her daily routine.

Periodically, the dog owner attempted to make eye contact with people nearby as she chatted about her dogs.  Most just ignored her or averted their gaze. A mother with a young child held it close to her, protectively, lest the child catch anything the woman might transmit such as a compromised mental state.

Over about a ten minute period as I watched from my perch while trying not to be obvious about it, the owner pulled out a plush toy from the stroller, which she snuggled against the face of first one of the dogs and then the other. She also pulled out food, and broke off little pieces which she fed to the dogs, occasionally popping a morsel into her own mouth.

After observing her for quite a while, I said “you certainly take very good care of your dogs.” Starved for conversation, she immediately began discussing the dogs with me. We chatted for the rest of the ride, about five minutes, on the subject of how much joy  the dogs have brought to her life.

I looked at the dog on her lap and addressed it by the name she had called it: Mister.  Mister immediately jumped into my lap and hunkered down. His owner was delighted, and loved sharing one of her most precious possessions with me as I scratched Mister  behind his ears.

When I departed the train, I again complemented my seat companion on what a good and caring owner she was.  She beamed a beautiful, toothless smile at me.

Can we be willing to reach out to others who are not so cool, not so trendy, maybe a little socially offensive? Can we take that moment to connect with another fragile human being, toothless or not, smartly dressed or not? That encounter did as much for me as it did for her.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: DocChewbacca on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA

The Entitled

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

Some people seem to think that they are more entitled to the goodies of life than others. They’re the ones who fight to be first in selecting everything.  Here are a few examples:  they rush to the best seats, cut in line, cherry-pick the choicest portion of the food, maneuver themselves into the most advantageous spots, grab the…well, you get the idea.

These are the same folks who think they can buy or manipulate their way in or out of anything.  They may use different ploys to advance their agenda.  “I’m rich, so I should have a more luxurious (fill in the blank)”; I’m well-known, so I deserve a better (fill in the blank)”; “I’m sickly, so I merit a more advantageous (fill in the blank)”, I’m elderly, so I require a more comfortable (fill in the blank),” and on and on.  Everyone can find a reason in their life why they should be more entitled than you, me, him, her, them, or whomever.

I was on a tour years ago in some exotic location, and we went out daily in a Land Rover to navigate the rough terrain.  One woman always got there early and sat in the front passenger seat.  She told us all that she had a bad knee, and the extra leg-room allowed her to stretch out her leg.  Coincidentally, that also happened to be the best seat in the house, offering the choicest view out of the panoramic front window as well as a prime location next to the driver/tour guide so every morsel of his spiel could be captured.  One day, we arrived to see a man from our group in that coveted seat.  The aforementioned woman was forced to sit in another spot.  “Would you mind changing seats with me so I can stretch out my sore knee,” she said to him sweetly.  I loved his response which was no response at all.  He didn’t say a word and also didn’t budge.  It was wonderful to see our entitled member confronted in such a silent manner, as we were all pretty sick of her uncanny need to always require the most desirable of everything on that trip.

It’s a little unclear how these self-perceived, entitled beings got that way.  Perhaps mommy and daddy enabled it as they were growing up.  It could be a result of their  feelings of deprivation.  Maybe it’s an adaptation to the natural competition among the seven billion plus of us on this planet.  Of course, we all use our talents, skills, and abilities to get our “piece of the pie.” But, the entitled of the world take it to another level altogether.

Are you among the always entitled, or do you know someone like that?  Folks of such an attitude, position, outlook are completely off-putting to everyone else.  We are all human beings, and we live in close proximity to each other, jostling around like nervous atoms trying to get comfortable and find our place. One person is not more special or important than anyone else, although he/she would like to be.

Let’s be grown up and fair about this.  Let everybody in your sphere have a chance for the best this or the finest that. When it’s always about you, you may find that you’re no longer in competition because you no longer have anyone who is willing to be involved with you in any way.  You will be left to enjoy your best this or finest that all by your best and finest lonesome self.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo via Visualhunt.com

Come into the Modern World

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures on the following dates, times, and locations:

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133, www.theholmstad.org  (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years,” Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org (RSVP REQUIRED)

Now, on to my blog:

It’s easy to get left behind with the rapid-fire changes that have happened in our lifetime.  New ideas, new discoveries, new ways of living, new technology, and on and on. Each time something new happens, it presents us with a steep learning curve.

Now, in order to buy the latest car, some dealerships offer classes on how to operate the darn thing with all its technology components and gadgetry. Today’s television sets come with a remote control reminiscent of a cockpit dashboard.

More and more people are shying away from the pressure, and falling further and further behind. However, the alternative is worse as their world gets smaller and they become isolated.

When friends and groups I belong to plan events, email blasts are what notify the participants.  It’s sad when someone wants to be a part of the activity, but defensively admits that they don’t know how to use a computer.  No one volunteers to call them for each update and chance playing the irritating game of telephone tag.

I remember my resistance to learning to use the Internet because of the difficulty in understanding it.  I insisted that my life functioned just fine the way it was, and that if I didn’t already know something, I wasn’t interested. The turning point came well over a decade ago.  After trying to convince me unsuccessfully for a few years, one day my son said the magic words: “Mom, come into the modern world.”

Yes, I envied those who were able to use email to communicate instantaneously. Yes, I too wanted to access the knowledge of the ages with a few key strokes. And, most of all, I wanted to make my son proud of me.

I took the plunge and enrolled in a school. I signed up for one course in word processing and another course in the Internet. The latter was so difficult to grasp that I continued to attend it over and over for an entire year until I finally got it.

The truth is, the internet has opened my life in ways I never imagined. Writing this blog is one of them. The best of all, however, is that I can email with my son, and it blows his mind when I talk tech-talk with him.  Yes, he is proud of mom.

 ***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker on Visualhunt.com/ CC BY