Do We Betray the Dead by Choosing to Live?

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I have a friend who was widowed some years ago. She and her husband had been married for several decades when he died. She felt intense grief after his passing and was depressed for a long time. She couldn’t escape the emptiness in their home with signs of him everywhere: the furniture they bought together; his aftershave lotion on the counter next to the bathroom sink; his slippers in the closet. She could barely function for well over a year.

We are all felled by a close death whether it be a spouse, parent, child, friend, other significant person, or even a pet. Grieving is a necessary first step in the healing process.

My aforementioned friend eventually started to venture out–slowly at first. When she found herself forgetting about her husband briefly while enjoying herself in the company of others, she felt guilty. So, she isolated again for many months.

Victorian era custom had widows dressing in all black “widow’s weeds” for long periods of time, even the rest of their lives, after the demise of their husbands. It was probably due to the influence of Queen Victoria who did so for the forty years she lived after the passing of her husband, Prince Albert, in 1861.

Is that custom life affirming or pathological? Is it a betrayal of a deceased spouse or significant other to want to go on with your life? What about dating? Is it okay to want to partner up again?

There are no rules here, even though some individuals or institutions attempt to impose them. That is only a power grab on their part over vulnerable people gripped by anguish. After the sorrow dissipates, a normal occurrence which may take months or years, humans eventually get tired of self-imposed isolation. It is natural, healthy and imperative to reach out to others; to begin to spread your wings; to craft a positive, joyous life for yourself.

If you are in such a situation, you must consider an important question: Do you want to live? You are not a bad person to choose life no matter which route you take: socializing, dating, remarrying, seeking a job or returning to a career, exploring new pursuits… You can still do so in conjunction with remembering and missing your departed one. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Photo credit: Matt From London on VisualHunt.com

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Losing Your Independence

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

NOTES: Sometimes my readers ask me to write about a particular subject. This blog stems from such a request.

Now, on to my blog:

As we age, things that used to be easy to do become more difficult. Our bodies don’t function as well; our brains don’t remember like they used to; our abilities diminish in general. We gradually begin to find some tasks harder and harder. That may reach a crisis point where we have to give up certain activities and pursuits.

One of the most difficult losses is the operation of an automobile. Cars offer their drivers incredible independence. People can come and go as they please. However, when you no longer have the quick reflexes and reaction time necessary to operate a motor vehicle safely, it is imperative that you stop doing so. Such a driver becomes a serious hazard to themselves and others.

Many seniors are unable to assess or refuse to accept when their give-it-up time comes. That often requires some significant person or entity making the decision: children, doctors, courts, etc. It may not go smoothly, and there is the possibility of hurt feelings all around. Nevertheless, count yourself lucky that you have caring people in your life who are willing to devote the time and energy to insuring your welfare; not everyone has that as they age. If you’re in the latter category, set things in place now while you can so you’ll have the care you need if and when it becomes necessary rather than burying your head in the proverbial sand with an it’ll-never-happen-to-me attitude.

What about living independently? Sometimes that becomes unsafe as we age and become more infirm. Things in the household can pose a danger such as bathing or operating a stove. Again, seniors often resist the idea of moving into a facility such as an assisted living home, where they might get help with basic chores.

Even walking can be fraught with danger if your body is not cooperative with all that the act of ambulation entails. Seniors tend to fall more frequently than they did when they were younger and more agile. Yet, so many resist assistive devices such as canes or walkers, because it is the mark of being old. Only after they fall and break their hip or other bones are they willing to consider such alternatives. By then, the damage is done.

We’ve all heard that well-known adage credited to 1940s movie actress Bette Davis: “Old age ain’t no place for sissies.” Yes, it’s a rough road. However, we have no choice but to proceed forward, weathering whatever obstacles come our way in the aging process. Do your best to adapt, and seek out other activities or alternatives that will help you lead a satisfying, quality life, regardless of the fact that it is different from what you’re used to.

You may not be able to drive a car, but you can take a bus or a ride share service such as Uber or Lyft. You may not be able to cook for yourself, but you can order meals delivered or buy pre-prepared meals–senior programs will deliver meals to your door ready to be heated up and eaten. You may no longer be able to run that marathon you did when you were younger, but you can take a walk in your neighborhood or in a wilderness area. (I’ve written on this topic before in this forum. Click here and scroll down to read my blog of April 2, 2018, “A Hitch in Your Gitalong,” and here to read my blog of June 26, 2015, “Battling the Inevitability of Aging.”)

There are many alternatives to aid you in living an active and fulfilling life. Don’t be embarrassed to use them just because they may be the sign of getting old.

Photo credit: @imaxeslugo on Visualhunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Senior Orphans

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

An orphan is one whose parents have died. Probably the most famous orphan in literature is “Oliver Twist,” written by Charles Dickens in 1837. We usually think of orphans as children. However, you can become an orphan at any age.

The same feelings of being orphaned occur whether it’s your biological parents who have passed or the parental figures in your life: stepparents, foster parents, mentors, or anyone else in that category.

Even seniors can become orphans. No matter how elderly, frail, or infirm one’s parents become, there’s still that feeling that we have someone to lean on if we need it. The truth, of course, if that they’ve been leaning on us as they have declined. However, we don’t even realize it. My son who is in his fifties and a fully successful and proficient husband, father, and career person, can still dash off that kid’s whine: “Mommmmm” when he wants something, and I’m being resistant.

If you were fortunate enough to have your parents survive into your own senior years, it’s still a shock and trauma when they die. Suddenly, that force that has been such a major player in your life is gone. That feeling of vulnerability, being lost, and not having them to rely on hits you no matter your age, confidence, or degree of sophistication.

When your parents and the other family members in their generation have all died, you suddenly find yourself unwillingly pushed into a new role. You now belong to the oldest living generation in your family. It’s often an uncomfortable place to be with its huge weight of responsibility.

You are looked up to, revered, and counted upon for wisdom, even if you don’t feel so wise all the time. How overwhelming it might seem to hold such a position in life. Nevertheless, don’t forget that you are lucky to have such a role. Not all seniors do.

We seniors must practice good habits so we can stay strong and healthy for the younger generations who rely on us. It’s a tall task, but we’re up to it. Play it with the most competence you can muster. They are depending on you.

Photo credit: jhcrawshaw on Visualhunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

The Importance of Material “Stuff”

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

How important are material objects in our lives? They do, indeed, make the passing days more pleasant by offering assistance, comfort, and status. But, how does this “stuff” hold up against our interpersonal relationships?

We often observe young children bickering over toys to the point of physical violence. They hold their blocks, dolls, and gizmos close so the other kids in the sandbox can’t claim them as their own. We usually assume that they will grow out of such behavior. Sometimes they do, and sometimes…

My family lore contains a story about my great aunt and her sister-in-law by marriage. I’m not sure I’ve ever met either, although I have a vague recollection of the blood relative when I was young.

As the accounting goes, these two women had been close friends for many years. One day, after lunching together, they were strolling down the street and came upon a jewelry store. In the window was a sign offering free jewelry cleaning. Both women sported from their respective husbands of many years a fairly new, impressive, diamond wedding ring which had replaced their old, not so grand ones.

Our heroines decided what a great idea it would be to get their rings cleaned, so they walked in. The jeweler took the two items and put them into the cleaning machine. After the requisite amount of time, he returned the proffered rings all shiny and sparkly.

One of our actors looked at the ring she had been handed and said that it was the wrong ring–hers was the other one. Her soon-to-become opponent said that wasn’t so, and that she had been given her correct ring. A back-and-forth ensued, which turned into a full-fledged argument. The latter refused to exchange the rings, insisting her own property had been returned to her. This escalated into a major rift between the two women, never to be healed for the rest of their lives.

Have you had arguments over your material possessions? Are they so precious to you that you would sacrifice a close personal relationship over them? I guess if you plan to take the items to your grave with you as did the ancient Egyptian pharaohs in order to ensure a comfortable, luxurious stretch in the afterlife, then maybe such a sacrifice might be worth it. If not, perhaps you need to reevaluate what is truly important in your current life.

Photo credit: TVZ Design on VisualHunt.com

***

BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

One Man’s Kitsch is Another Man’s Objet d’Art

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

We each have our own sense of taste when it comes to what is or is not appealing. Ancient philosophers, both from the Greek and Roman eras, discussed and fixated on the nature of aesthetic properties. Leonardo da Vinci sketched “Vitruvian Man” as the ideal proportions for a human body. Nevertheless, beauty remains a matter of intense debate.

Today, we have contests to highlight who or what is the most perfect. There are beauty pageants for humans, dog shows for pooches, museums to house what is judged to be the best of the arts, and on and on.

We common folk also have our tastes. Just look around your neighborhood to see how people decorate their abodes. Most houses might be painted in gentle pastels, but there is that one in a garish, blaring hue. Although some might be outraged by it, the owner thinks it’s stunning.

Many years ago, I visited Graceland, the home of Elvis Presley. The guide told us that Elvis had not used a decorator but had made his own decisions on the furnishing of the mansion. My opinion: It’s amazing how someone with a lot of money and no taste can decorate. Elvis’ opinion: Isn’t it magnificent!

Where I live and in many similar, residential locations around the country, some seem to think it enhances the neighborhood to put out what they see as ornamental objects such as plastic flowers, small windmills, round glass balls, and the like. You can find these “decorations” suspended from trees, lining paths, hung from doors, and all other manner of locations. There are those I find to be a turnoff–kitsch to my eye. Maybe some find the flower pots outside of my front door the same.

It’s hard to come to common agreement on taste. We are each the result of different influences and backgrounds. Yet, we must get along. If someone shows irritation at your choice for public display, maybe you might relocate the object into your own personal residence. That way you can admire it without offending others. If you don’t care for that suggestion, I invite you to enjoy the pink, plastic flamingo I’m thinking of installing in my front yard.

Photo #1 credit: Mark Morgan Trinidad B on Visualhunt
Photo #2 credit: Sam Howzit on VisualHunt.com

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Overscheduling

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Are you addicted to overscheduling, or do you know someone who is? Yes, we all seek out interesting things to do. Sometimes, what we find may be time sensitive, such as plays and exhibits, which may end by a certain date. Other times, we may be invited to an event that is a one-off.

It’s tempting to cram too many things into a single day. An overscheduler’s mindset might go something like this: Let’s see, if I set my dentist appointment in the morning, I can attend that concert in the afternoon and have enough time to make it to my aunt’s 95th birthday celebration dinner where I’ll stay for an hour and still be able to arrive just a little late to that club party I don’t want to miss. This is an extreme example, but it’s not far off from how many people live their lives.

Frenetic overscheduling short changes your focus or enjoyment of individual activities. Rather than steeping yourself in the moment, you are constantly checking your watch to make sure you wrap it up so as to get to the upcoming number on your dance card.

Much of your time is wasted just in travel alone from one appearance to the next. Then, of course, there is the question of your energy level. Those present at your final destination get to interact with the tired, irritable, and impatient version of you.

I had a friend years ago who was the master of overscheduling. She never seemed able to pay much attention to what was going on at the time as she was usually thinking about what was coming next. When I tried to confront her about this, she became defensive and angry. This is how she was used to structuring her life, and she wasn’t planning on changing, even if it meant that she never fully enjoyed anything.

I’ve also had situations where someone has bailed out at the last minute on an invitation to visit me because they were just too tired from their earlier activities that day. Oh yes, they were so sorry and hoped I would understand, but the upshot was that they left me hanging, and my plans were ruined. Never mind the time, energy, and effort I had expended preparing for our get-together: cleaning the house, arranging for food, getting myself ready, a reduced amount of attendees from what I had decided was the right number, and on and on.

When people pull behavior like the aforementioned examples, they establish a reputation for themselves. Then they wonder why friends stop inviting them. 

Don’t be a chronic overscheduler. Follow through with your commitments, and arrive rested and able to engage wholeheartedly with those whom you encounter. Allow plenty of decompression time in your schedule before embarking on the next happening. It will help you enjoy those that you do attend so much more.

***

BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

The Peril of Laziness

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Book descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

We’ve all experienced it: laziness. It seems to get worse as we age, especially when we don’t have children screaming for our immediate attention, a job to report to on time, and all sorts of other obligations of our younger adulthood. We might drift into ennui, finding it hard to be self-motivating. 

It becomes easier and easier to sleep late—very late, to pad around your pad in robe and slippers all day, or to avoid going out—too much trouble. Sitting in front of the television set, trolling the internet, checking your email, or even reading a book for hours becomes your routine.

Be careful of that, folks. It can sneak up and take over your life without your even realizing it. The pandemic lockdown proved to be very bad psychologically. Staying at home became a habit—a lifestyle. Now that the extreme danger has passed, it’s hard to break that habit.

There’s nothing wrong with slowing down after a lifetime of pressure, stress, and obligations. But, solitary, at-home activities as a steady diet can lead to isolation, dissatisfaction, malaise, and even agoraphobia. We may find ourselves making excuses:

“My body needs a lot of sleep.”

“I’m entitled to some leisure after all the years I worked.”

“People just don’t understand me.”

“These are the things I like to do.”

Make sure you stay engaged with reality and other humans for your own well-being. Don’t turn on the TV until after dinner. Limit your book/magazine reading to small parameters. Cut down on that computer time. As amazing as it might seem, your electronic devices do have “off” buttons; use them! (Read my blog of March 18, 2015 which provides easy instructions on how to turn off those addictive devices: “Disconnect from Your Technology,” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com/2015/03.)

Find outside activities that stimulate you, and make commitments to be there, help out, lead groups, etc. Commitments are motivators to get up, get out, and embrace life.  Have something to do at least every other day that will give you an incentive to leave your abode. It could be as simple as a shopping trip to the grocery store. Once outside, you’ll feel renewed and energized.

It’s hard, especially when just the acts of personal hygiene and getting dressed seem to be such an effort.  However, as a very wise teacher once told my class, “If it’s hard, do it anyway!”

Photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar on VisualHunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Seeking Prince/Princess Charming

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Ah, Valentine’s Day is here again. That means that a special someone will bestow upon us a present as a gesture of his/her love of wonderful us? Or, does it?

Everyone is looking for the perfect partner. Does such an ideal exist? For a few lucky ones, the answer may be yes. However, for the majority of us, the reality is that no human being with all of their imperfections and foibles can meet all of the needs of another.

The only thing one can do is reduce expectations and compromise, or go without partnering. Neither choice is the ideal, but it is hoped that the seeker will find some modicum of happiness.

Many have filtered through numerous potential candidates and eventual partners, always looking for the better one just around the corner. Online dating sites have made this churning speedier and more efficient. However, the constant testing and discarding these sites enable prove wearisome and disappointing.

The truth is that finding your own Prince/Princess Charming is most likely a pipe dream. It always amazes me when some man complete with beer belly and bad breath posts his ideal candidate as young, slender, and attractive, or an unkempt woman seeks a fit, good looking, financially stable man. What planet are these people living on? And, are those the traits that will guarantee you compatibility and happiness together?

If you are seeking a perfect mate, stop fantasizing and realize that all of us are only human. After all, are you the perfect Prince or Princess Charming? Probably not, unless you stepped out of a book of fairy tales.

Photo credit: RavindanLEGO on VisualHunt

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Stability

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

What is stability? One definition: restoration to the original state after knocked off equilibrium.

Stability can be a factor in many different areas of our lives. Financial stability means that we have enough money to meet our needs and enjoy a comfortable life. Emotional stability is when our thoughts are on an even enough keel to yield happiness and contentment. Physical stability happens when our balance is such that we can move with confidence of not falling. Spiritual stability occurs when we have settled on a faith or belief system that provides comfort to us. Cultural stability means that we are part of a group with shared behaviors and pursuits. Social stability is when our institutions provide a secure framework in which we can function successfully. Global stability comes about when the world’s countries have a working relationship which provides for the benefit of all inhabitants of our planet.

Why is stability important? Because, when we are trapped in its opposite: chaos, we are thrown into a constant state of agitation, uncertainty, and fear. Such a condition contributes to ongoing misery, a horrible way to live.

Some people seem to “roll with the punches” no matter what life hands them. Why is that? Part of the answer probably has to do with their inherent nature. However, another contributor might be that they grew up in relative stability in the aforementioned areas and are better able to weather life’s storms as adults. None of us makes it through unscathed; we all encounter disruptions as the years pass. A solid foundation and ongoing framework of stability leads to a better outcome after the hurricane is spent.

No country or institution has figured out a way to provide continuous and complete stability to its inhabitants or members. As with so many things, each group sits somewhere on a continuum from high to low. Their stability depends on many considerations: leaders, followers, environmental factors, the advancement of time, and the like.

Stability can change in an instant. Don’t take it for granted! Identify those things that create stability in your life, seek them out, nurture them, and cherish them. You will have a happier and probably longer life if you do.

Photo credit: Amaury Laporte on Visualhunt.com

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BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

La Repetición

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

CHITCHAT: I was interviewed recently on the podcast: “Feminine Roadmap.” Click here and scroll down to listen.

Now, on to my blog:

We were a group of adults at a community Spanish class. We had come to know each other well–kind of like a club–as we continued to attend semester after semester. There was a great deal of camaraderie among the students.

We referred to each other by a Spanish version of our name. Rose was Rosa; Ernest was Ernesto; Charles was Carlos; and Roberta was the same but with a Spanish accent. Then there was me: Lee Gale. No Spanish equivalent worked for my oxymoronish name, so I remained simply: Lee Gale. Oh, well.

Studying a language requires memorization of a seemingly endless list of vocabulary words. Our patient, steadfast teacher, Carol Betti, would always listen to our whines and bellyaches that went something like: It’s so hard; how do you remember all those words? She always responded patiently with her secret sauce: “la repetición.”

Yes, if you want to learn something well, the only way to do it is to repeat it and repeat it. In Spanish, it’s called: repetición. Here in the homeland, we call it practice, which is just repetition on steroids. Skill comes from doing the same thing over and over until it becomes automatic and effortless.

Our role models are those at the apex of their fields whether it be ballet dancers, computer techies, athletes, or construction workers. No one starts out at the top of their game. The ones who excel and rise to that level are the ones who review continually.

I’ve recently been cast in an amazing play! I feel very fortunate to have been chosen. However, one of my monologues is exceptionally challenging. Although we do have open scripts for part of the play, I’m required to memorize this particular passage. It’s been a real test, often frustrating and agonizing. I’ve thought frequently of la repetición as I slog my way through. It has helped me persevere. For weeks, each night after I crawl in bed, I have gone over the lines in my mind before falling asleep. Each morning after I wake up, I have done the same. Eureka! I have finally mastered that beast, and it feels great!

Do you strive to become proficient at a particular pursuit? If so, you must put in the time, energy, and effort towards that goal. There is no work around–no free lunch. However, if it’s something you really, really want, the satisfaction, accolades, or financial gain will make it worthwhile. Just remember to use the technique recommended decades ago by my very wise, Spanish teacher: la repetición.

Photo credit: pom’. on VisualHunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.