Lying as a Lifestyle

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

I guess we’ve all told lies of one sort or another, little white lies and not so little white lies. We have different motives for doing so: to keep our personal information private, to keep from hurting another person’s feelings, because we’re worried about the reaction of others, and so on. The right or wrong of such behavior is a matter of degree for each individual.

Some feel that telling little white lies to save the feelings of another is just a kindness. Pushing the envelope in how they present themselves, other folks might feel, is justified as it’s nobody else’s business. But, how about when lying becomes a lifestyle.

There are some people who lie about so many things just because they can. When found out, others wonder “why” since it seems so petty and unnecessary. For people engaged in such a lifestyle practice, lying feeds upon itself and becomes pathological. They lie to always put themselves in the most favorable light at any given moment. However, what they fail to understand is that once branded a liar, they remain forever in an unfavorable light.

Then there are those who deliberately withhold significant information under the guise of, “well, I didn’t lie.”  I’ve had that experience a few times in my life with significant others who failed to mention very compelling facts about themselves and kept that deception going for years until I finally found out or they admitted it to me.  Yes, it was information that might have defeated the relationship from the beginning, so I guess they sensed that and kept their secret so I wouldn’t walk away.  It just seems to me that that is no way to have a friendship or relationship–based on falsehoods.  Yet, that behavior goes on with so many.  I wonder if the perpetrators are really content or satisfied with what they have sown.

The trouble with lies is that you have to remember them and keep feeding them. To the practitioner, it must become an exhausting endeavor, like the juggler spinning plates on a stick, running from one end of the line to the other to stoke each twirling disc as it begins to slow down and threatens to crash. What an unenviable position. Consider carefully the consequences before telling a lie. Is it really worth it?

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: garryknight via Visual Hunt /  CC BY

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Tone It Down

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after they retire. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

Why do some people feel that it is their place to tell others how to behave? I can understand if the person is in a position where that is expected such as a teacher, employer, parent, etc.  But, what about when the teller is simply a peer who has decided to take on that role?

I had an experience not too long ago where I was on a tour of an historical house with other people from a group I belong to. At one point, the entire group was crowded into the bathroom while the docent discussed  various features. When I noticed an odd looking metal tank over the bathtub, I put my fingertip on it and asked the docent, “What’s this?”

One member of the group who I barely knew stated in a loud, scolding voice, “Don’t touch that; that’s an antique!” Her manner and resonant baritone caused everyone  in the group, about twenty people, to turn around and stare at the miscreant–me.

Technically, she was correct. I should not have touched it. I did so without even thinking.  However, this woman’s delivery and self-appointed authoritarianism was completely out of line. She treated me as though I were a misbehaved child.

What she might have done was take me aside privately after the fact and mention in a calm, nonjudgmental voice that it is not advisable to touch antiques as the oil from skin can be harmful to them. If someone behaves that way toward you, you might take them aside and in a calm, nonjudgmental voice, notify them that you are not interested in their unsolicited opinion of your behavior.

If you position yourself as an uninvited judge of your peers, tone it down a notch or ten. No one is interested in being judged or dominated by you. If you find yourself being ostracized by others, and you have no idea why, perhaps that is the reason. How would you like it if somebody behaved that way toward you?

 ***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit (modified by user): celesteh on Visualhunt.com / CC BY

Keep Your Promises

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website:  http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

Now, on to my blog:

When we make a promise, it’s a commitment to do what we pledged we would do. It can be something as simple as meeting someone at a specific time and date, or something as large as paying for someone’s college education.

Because promises historically have been misunderstood or deliberately rescinded, society has created oath taking.  In America, this usually involves raising your right hand and swearing, often on a revered object or person, to keep a promise be it telling the truth, fighting for your county, etc.

Going further to insure keeping promises, the law created an instrument called a contract. Often, when we enter the complex and important promise relationship, we sign a contract binding us to follow through on what we promised. If it doesn’t go smoothly according to the plan, we have courts of law with judges who will hear evidence and decide on how the promise should be interpreted and what each party is obligated to do.

In our private lives, we don’t have courts of law to force us to fulfill our promises, we only have our word.  Others to whom we have made promises, depend on them and might even make life altering plans according to the terms of our promise.

Are you a person who follows through with your promises, or are you one whose pattern is to break your promises when you want to manipulate the situation, when you get angry, when you’re not in the mood, or for a myriad of other reasons that suit you at the moment?  If you fall into the former category, those in your life most likely trust you and value their relationship with you. If, instead, the latter classification describes you, those in your life probably don’t trust you and avoid ever depending upon you or making promises themselves that you might depend on. Worse yet, they might break promises made to you without a second thought as that has become the established modus operandi of your relationship.

Being pegged as one who can’t be depended upon to keep your promises, you isolate yourself to a lonely cave.  So, if you have no clue as to why people in your life have withdrawn from you, take a look at your own behavior and see if part of it involves failing to keep your promises.

 ***

Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: West Point - The U.S. Military Academy via VisualHunt.com

 

Retire Toward Something

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after they retire. Her public lecture on this subject is titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class, is available by clicking here Amazon.com. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

Today, I have a guest blogger, C. Hope Clark, an award-winning writer of two mystery series (Carolina Slade and the Edisto Island mysteries). She speaks to conferences, libraries, and book clubs across the country, is a regular podcaster for Writer’s Digest, and is also the founder of  FundsforWriters.com, an award-winning site and newsletter service for writers. www.chopeclark.com  To read the Featured Article I wrote and she published in her newsletter four years ago, click here: Promoting Your Book. I find Hope’s thoughts enlightening.  Here is her post:

Retire Toward Something

When I was administrative director of a federal agency in South Carolina, one of my departments was Human Resources. We employed between 200-300 people, and I could at any time tell you who was eligible for retirement. Each and every time one approached me to talk about putting in their papers, I asked, “Why are you retiring?”

“I’m tired of this job.”
“I just don’t find the get-up-and-go in me anymore.”
“So I can sleep as late as I want.”
“To fish.”

When the answers appeared vague, I would show my concern. “Don’t you have plans for all that spare time you’ll have on your hands?”

Most said they wanted no plans. Only a handful had orchestrated a new direction for their next life. The ones without direction usually aged the fastest.  It pained me to hear of someone’s demise within a year of leaving us. Every one of those I heard of, had no plan.

I called it retiring to rot.

It’s a pipe dream to think we want limitless free time without obligation. Human beings need missions. Those missions don’t have to be corporate-level strategies. They can be goals like:

“Traveling to 40 states in three years.”
“Writing a novel and getting it published in two years.”
“Going back to school for a degree in ____.”
“Opening a small business.”
“Building a house.”
“Volunteering for charity.”
“Running for office.”

I also call it retiring TO something instead of running FROM their work. The same goes for anyone who quits a job. They might not like the employer, but without someplace to land when they take the leap, they often crash. Freedom doesn’t mean just sitting around. Freedom means freedom to pursue other interests.

Of course, if you don’t like your choice, you can change direction. You are free to morph as you please. What’s important is that you not feel lost, only eager to try novel ventures.

I worked 25 years with the federal government, but because I was writing on the side, and thoroughly in love with it, I took an early retirement at age 46. I was also royally fed up with the bureaucracy and politics, but I refused to leave until I had my ducks in a row to leave FOR fresh purpose.

On that last day the technician on my staff, who also served as my secretary, walked me to the parking lot, helping me carry boxes. I was touched at the tears in her eyes.

“You let them get the best of you,” she said.
“Honey,” I said. “Don’t you see that I’m the winner here?”

She was so ingrained with the concept you worked until you were spent and in your sixties, that she thought I’d lost some sort of competition. Instead, there I was, walking on air, while she interpreted it as walking away. I recognized the open door of opportunity and ran through. I’ve been writing full-time for 15 years now and have never regretted one single day.

The freedom was exhilarating and dizzying, but I moved forward with a freelance career, writing for magazines and online, with goals. I started a newsletter for writers about paths for writing income and morphed into a website owner and editor.

I escorted a published author to a book signing at the request of a local bookstore, and the author asked what I wrote. I replied I did commercial freelance work and ran a website, and she prompted me to return to a novel I put on the shelf four years earlier. While dusting it off was painful and the rewrite intensely time consuming, I vowed to make it worth publication.

After 72 queries to literary agents, I landed one. Eighteen months later, I had a publishing contract. Today, I’ve published two nonfiction books and eight mysteries and won a handful of awards. Writer’s Digest hires me to do webinars for them. Conferences, libraries, and book clubs invite me to speak, teach, and sign books. I’ve had a close call for a cable television series, but my second agent isn’t giving up the effort to make that happen.

No, I didn’t have an English degree or journalism training. My degree was in agriculture. I just loved to write and decided that the second half of my life would be utilized pursuing what I enjoy. The key word there is pursuing, not waiting for life to drop opportunity in my lap. The waiting is what kills us early.

Reasons why we retire TO something rather than run AWAY from something are these:

• The idea of a mission keeps us physically and mentally more active. Want to stave off Alzheimer’s? Stay busy.
• Pursuing a dream you’ve delayed can rejuvenate you and lengthen your lifespan. Positivity and purpose matter when it comes to health.
• Leave to enjoy achievement in a fresh direction. Show you have much to offer the world.
• To set an example to your children, and their children. Regardless your age, family is watching. Those coming up behind you are taking notes on how they want to spend the rest of their lives.

Decide what would make you feel whole and happy and strike out toward it. Only then do you leave something else behind. With all that energy and enthusiasm of using freedom as you’d like, on your terms, you’ll find you’ve never felt more motivated in your life.

C. Hope Clark’s newest book is Newberry Sin:  Beneath an idyllic veneer of Southern country charm, the town of Newberry hides secrets that may have led to murder.   https://www.amazon.com/ gp/product/B07BYD5T4P/

When a local landowner’s body, with pants down, is found near Tarleton’s Tea Table Rock—a notorious rendezvous spot, federal investigator Carolina Slade senses a chance to get back into the field again. Just as she discovers what might be a nasty pattern of fraud and blackmail, her petty boss reassigns her fledgling case to her close friend and least qualified person in their office. Forced to coach an investigation from the sidelines, Slade struggles with the twin demons of professional jealousy and unplanned pregnancy. Something is rotten in Newberry. Her personal life is spiraling out of control. She can’t protect her co-worker. And Wayne Largo complicates everything when the feds step in after it becomes clear that Slade is right. One wrong move, and Slade may lose everything. Yet it’s practically out of her hands… unless she finds a way to take this case back without getting killed.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Second Photo (modified by user) credit: ota_photos on Visual hunt / CC BY-SA

My Body Won’t Cooperate with My Lifestyle

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, retirees, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, available by clicking here Amazon.com, is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

My body is getting more and more uncooperative as it and I grow older together.  Where is that gal who could ski all day and boogie into the night?  Where is that woman who could travel the world, exploring other cultures from early morning to late in the evening?  Where is that multitasking me who could work full time, raise children, run a household, and still squeeze in friends and fun–all at the same time?

These days, corpus meum seems to have a mind of its own independent of my thoughts and desires.  Regardless of what I direct it to do, it does its own thing.  It has cramped my style more than once.  It’s so hard to accept that I’m no longer in control; I want a divorce!  I’ll find a new body that is much more in sync with how I envision myself.

I’m in pretty good health, but small, irritating things are happening to my body.  When I finally accept and cope with one, another springs up.  When I think I’ve got everything pretty much under control, MB morphs and “wham,” it’s another change I have to incorporate.

Friends and acquaintances tell me the same thing is happening to them.  What to do, what to do?  Well, we can try railing to the wind and lamenting our lot.  Dumping on anyone who will listen is another possibility.  Hunkering down with the covers over our head is a third way to go.  Unfortunately, those options only waste time and put off the inevitable of accepting and becoming comfortable with the new you.

New You doesn’t have the energy level that Old You had.  NY gets tired more easily.  NY doesn’t bounce back so fast from illnesses, upsets, or just about anything else that comes your way.  NY can become a true PIA (pain in the ass).  Nevertheless, NY is all you have, and you can’t go back to OY no matter how much you wish it, how much you try, how much you rail.

So, you have two choices: accept NY, come to terms with your aging body, and embrace all the things you can still do, or reject NY and be miserable.  And remember, if you opt for the latter, you can always segue into the former.

 ***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: Eric.Ray via Visualhunt /  CC BY

A Hitch in Your Gitalong

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, available by clicking here Amazon.com, is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Click here for her website: http://AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

April 13, 2018, 1:00pm, Covenant Village of Turlock Retirement Community, 2125 N. Olive Ave, Turlock, CA 95382, (209)-226-4621, www.covenantvillageofturlock.org/events

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

Many of you may remember Gabby Hayes who was an actor in Western films in the 1930s and 1940s. He often played a wizened, cantankerous old coot who was the sidekick or cook on cattle drives. In one of those roles, he had a limp and explained when asked about it, “I got a hitch in my gitalong.”

We all develop a hitch in our gitalongs of one sort or another in our later years. We might not limp, but we slow down. We can’t walk as far as we used to. Maybe our hips hurt, or our knees, calves, shins, ankles, soles, heels, toes, whatevers. Maybe our stamina is not as long lasting as it was decades earlier. Maybe our mental capacity isn’t as cooperative.

Whatever the reason, don’t drop out; seek help. There are all types of assistive devices such as canes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc. The man in this photo riding on his motorized wheelchair is not letting his hitch stop him. He is boogieing along, enjoying what the outdoors offers.

Too many people become reclusive as seniors, not wanting to display or even admit their various hitches. Many become depressed or withdrawn, embarrassed for others to see them as they’ve aged.  Don’t do that; be kind to yourself. What would you say to someone else you saw doing such a thing? Wouldn’t you encourage him/her to move forward, hitch and all?

We must grab life with whatever means we have. Some of us have more capabilities than others. If you are not disabled, don’t take that for granted. Be mindful of how fortunate you are, as not everyone is. If you are disabled, technology makes it easier for you to embrace life.

Take a walk whether it’s with your own legs or your own wheels. Observe the bounty that the outdoors offers. A wild flower growing at the edge of the road can be a thing of great beauty viewed with the right perspective.

We all have a finite time of life.  We, also, have choices. Choose how you are going to live your remaining years, months, days, hours, minutes. If you decide to squander them on “poor me” behaviors, own the fact that you made that decision.

You are not committed to your choice in perpetuity.  You can revise it at any time which, of course, is another choice. Utilize whatever is available to assist you. There is no shame in that. Wheels versus legs still yield the same exquisite wildflower.

***

Please forward my blog to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at:  gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

You Don’t Get to Cherry-pick

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help Baby Boomers, seniors, and those soon to retire find joy, excitement, and satisfaction in life after retirement. Her public lecture on this subject is titled, “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement.” Her memoir, available by clicking here Amazon.com, is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Click here for her website: AdventuresWithDadTheBook.com

CHITCHAT:  I will be giving free public lectures titled: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Senior Years” on the following dates, times, and locations (RSVP REQUIRED):

April 13, 2018, 1:00pm, Covenant Village of Turlock Retirement Community, 2125 N. Olive Ave, Turlock, CA 95382, (209)-226-4621, www.covenantvillageofturlock.org/events

July 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of the Great Lakes Retirement Community, 2510 Lake Michigan Dr NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49504 (616) 259-0408, www.covenantgreatlakes.org/events

October 16, 2018, 1:00pm, The Holmstad Retirement Community, 700 W. Fabyan Pkwy, Batavia, IL 60510, (630) 239-1133,  www.theholmstad.org

October 17, 2018, 10:30am, Windsor Park Retirement Community, 124 Windsor Park Dr, Carol Stream, IL 60188, (331) 218-3637, www.windsorparkillinois.org

October 19, 2018, 10:30am, Covenant Village of Northbrook, 2625 Techny Rd, Northbrook, IL 60062, (224) 412-8421, www.covenantnorthbrook.org

Now, on to my blog:

How many times have you looked at others and coveted something they have?

I wish I had such smart children. I wish I were thin like him/her. I wish I were free of the burden of a needy spouse like him/her.  I wish I had a spouse like him/her.  I wish I were rich like…well, you get the idea.

Those types of thoughts begin to creep in, especially when we are feeling low or in a bad place.  Our life sucks and everyone else’s seems to be a fairy-tale with everything right and a happy ending.

Someone once told me about a friend of theirs.  The friend was so attractive, had such a good personality, had…  So, the relater of the story said he was so envious that he just had to stop being friends with that person.  How sad for both of them.  Most likely the one who “had it all” was just putting on a good public face.

That’s quite common.  We want others to like and admire us, so we hide our bad apple spots.  Some even fabricate tales to yield that story book presentation.

I’ve had so many instances in my life where someone I know or have just met or have read about seems to have it all.  I’m always surprised when I learn the real truth, and that their facade wasn’t at all what it looked like.  A good example is the recent nasty split between long married and seemingly on top Hollywood couple Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie.  Who knew that behind their shiny, solid oak veneer was actually dry-rot?

I remember when the adorable girl in grammar school who lived down the block and had the beautiful curls arranged just so and the expensive clothes I lusted for committed suicide. I remember in junior high school a girl who seemed so sweet, easy going, and well-liked having a nervous breakdown.  I remember the popular, high school cheerleader whose parents turned out to be psychologically abusive and distant.  I remember in college…, at work…, as a wife…, as a mother…, as a senior…, and on and on.  It was the same at every stage of my life.

Take another gander, folks.  All those people you’re looking at and coveting have their problems, negatives, bad times, too, just like you.  You don’t get to cherry-pick.  You take their whole package or none. So, in carefully inspecting the entire life of the envied one, would you trade theirs for yours?

I was discussing this concept with a friend not long ago, and she reminded me, “Be careful what you wish for.”  That’s so easy to forget.  When you long for another’s life to replace your own, take a deeper look with a strong magnifying glass.  Yours may start to seem a whole lot better than you thought.

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