Hoarding

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

We all save things under the guise of “you never know when you may need it.” This “stuff” can range from old furniture and clothes to string and paper bags. In this age of too much waste and a trend toward recycling, such behavior is laudable. However, what happens when saving becomes chronic? There is a term for that: hoarding.

There are several possible reasons for why one becomes a hoarder. Explanations can include an obsessive-compulsive disorder, an adaptation to having experienced deprivation in earlier years, or having been raised in a similar environment.

Some hoarders live among excessive clutter to the point of not being able to sit on chairs and couches inside their homes, such locations having been usurped by their treasures. They may have to walk through narrow paths etched out of their possessions just to travel from room to room.

Hoarding behavior spills over into all domains of its practitioners: garages, cars, workplaces, and the like. Many of these locations can barely be breached due to the barricade constructed from their cache. There are the stacks of newspapers and magazines waiting to be read or re-read. There is the latest Amazon gadget not yet assembled. There might be that very serviceable item begging to be repaired.

Hoarders aren’t able to clean the house of accumulated dirt and dust because they can’t even get to it. Assorted vermin such as mice, rats, and insects may have taken up residence among the tunnels and caves created by the stash. These creatures are very content with their oh, so comfortable living arrangements. Their offspring thrive on the conditions, and great and great-great grandchildren proliferate. These multigenerational families live side by side as the hoarder continually increases their housing stock.

Hoarders are often well organized; they know where everything is. They may have to dig through several inches or feet of their piles to find what they are seeking, but that is just a minor inconvenience to them. The hoarder is usually quite content with this way of living. It is others who have a problem with it. So, the extreme hoarder may stop inviting people to visit. They can’t face another comment like, “Gee, everything is all over the place. Are you moving?” or “It looks like a bomb fell in here.”

Clutterers and hoarders are not quite the same. They probably fall on a continuum with the former being the lite version of the latter. Nevertheless, regardless of the degree of messiness of such a lifestyle, it may prove unpalatable to those on the neatness end of the scale.

If you are a hoarder and are happy with your home as you’ve arranged it, then there is no problem. However, what if you are someone who shares a dwelling with a hoarder such as a spouse, child, parent, or roommate? If you’re okay with it, again there’s no problem. However, what do you do if you hate living that way but have decided for whatever reason (love, lack of funds, still a minor…) to continue residing with the hoarder?

Here are several possible approaches to consider:

1. You can change your own outlook and make peace with living that way.
2. You might bargain with the hoarder to limit their collections to just the garage or specific rooms in the house.
3. You may opt to limit yourself to specific rooms and turn over the rest of the residence to the hoarder and his/her proclivities.
4. You can hire a professional organizer who will arrive with containers, boxes, files, and the like.
5. You might opt to live in different abodes if you can afford it while still maintaining your relationship.
6. As extreme hoarding may be a mental health disorder or connected to depression, you might need to seek outside intervention from a counselor or therapist to help negotiate a deal with your hoarder.
7. You may need to terminate the relationship to ever achieve the neat, orderly life you crave.

Many of these suggestions involve disrupting the hoarder’s modus operandi to one degree or another. Expect resistance and relapses from your resident pack rat. Remember, they don’t have a problem; it’s you with the problem.

Image by Bill Kasman from Pixabay

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY:  LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Coming Out Party

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Synopses of her books follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

It used to be that only debutantes had coming out parties. They were called balls–glitzy and expensive social gatherings accompanied by music, dancing, and food. Young women, typically daughters of wealthy families, were formally introduced to society and appropriate, eligible bachelors.

Currently, we are in the midst of a different type of coming out party: an international, collective, coming out of lockdown party. It celebrates leaving behind a physical and mental state imposed upon us by the Covid 19 pandemic that isolated us from each other and prevented us from reaching our full potential.

Fortunately, technology provided us with ways to connect via such inventions as Zoom and other online interfaces. However, after over a year of Zooming and the like, it’s gotten wearisome. We are anxious to shed our chrysalis and fly free.

Many of my clubs and activities are opening up for in-person get-togethers and leaving our internet meetings behind. Social connection video websites, even with their limitations and glitches, have been wonderful to occupy us and fill our hours of isolation during that forced cloister state. However, my intermittent back pain reminds me that I have been spending too many hours sitting in front of a computer screen filled with little boxes containing talking heads. Now, I am anxious to exchange virtual human interaction for the real thing. It’s time to give up that alone life inside my abode and come out into the daylight.

Long since fully vaccinated, I am slowly discarding my cloak of hibernation just as millions of cicadas, those elusive insects, recently did in large swaths of our country at their own coming out party after seventeen years of lockdown. In comparison, we humans have been fortunate that our sequestration was only a year.

It has been a slow, cautious awakening. It still feels strange to be anywhere in the vicinity of other homo sapiens without a protective covering over my mouth and nose lest I transmit or receive those killer, aerosol drops.

We are social animals meant for real human contact. It nourishes and nurtures us.

Photo credit: Beach650 on VisualHunt.com

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Unsolicited Critiques

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

There is a certain critical personality type. They often make unsolicited, hurtful comments to friends and strangers alike. These can be in the form of left-handed compliments that seem on their face to be positive but have a zinger at the end. I don’t know if the perpetrators are even aware of how their scolding verbalizations come across. Here are a few I’ve received down through the years, none of which I requested:

“Lee Gale, you’re so attractive. You’d be a knockout if you had your face done.” This was uttered by a “friend” who herself chased after that illusive youth using plastic surgery and other procedures. She once confided that she’d have another face-lift if she could afford it. She was in her 70s at the time.

“You know, you’d look much younger if your hair weren’t white.” This was pronounced by a first date who himself had questionable hair. (I think I’ve mentioned this one before in another blog; I’ve never forgotten his verdict.)

“I see you’ve stopped going to the beauty shop and let your hair color grow out. You always did have trouble spending money.” This was expressed by a neighbor who had been a casual friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. She sported an expensive, dyed/highlighted coiffure sitting atop her 85-year-old body.

A relative recently told me that someone commented on her weight problem with the “helpful” suggestion that she attend Weight Watchers. Does the commenter think the victim of their “well-meaning” suggestion doesn’t know about that program? Does said messenger think that they are bringing enlightenment to said receiver of their unrequested advice? Just about all people battling being overweight know more than anyone the programs, literature, and treatments available. They don’t need to be schooled by “well-doers.”

Why do people act like that? Where did they learn such insensitive behavior? Are they really clueless as to how painful such remarks can be? Often, the answer to those questions has to do with their own insecurities. Maybe a parent, teacher, sibling, spouse or peer was hypercritical of them? Perhaps they are perfectionists who insist on that trait in everyone else? They might get a payoff by making someone else squirm?

When you closely examine such a “Good Samaritan,” you may find that they are not as perfect as they’d like to think they are. Everyone has faults. Often, the very thing they criticize others for is something they hate in themselves.

If you’re a person who nitpicks with your criticisms, think about why you do that? Then, cut it out or you might end up with no friends at all. We really don’t want to hear your negative editorials. If we are such a turnoff to you in our present form, then take your business elsewhere. Remember and practice that old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Photo credit: svklimkin on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

How to Pitch to Seniors

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Many younger people don’t seem to have a clue about how to talk to seniors. They use words and techniques that are inappropriate for the conversation, the setting, or the interaction. I have heard this from other seniors and experienced it myself, often in retail sales situations where a younger salesperson is trying to sell his/her widgets to someone the age of their grandparents. I’ve written on this subject previously in this forum. (See my blog of December 29, 2016: Words that Diminish.)

I’ve never understood why enterprises don’t teach inter-generational communication techniques in their employee training sessions. Seniors make up a huge demographic with plenty of money to spend on merchandise and services. They should be courted and approached with the goal of a successful deal. That starts with meaningful communication. So, in the interest of commerce for the betterment of all, here are some tips for those in the business world on how to pitch to senior clients:

1. Don’t demean us by calling us sweetie, honey, my boy, young lady/man, or any other diminutive term that reduces us in stature and makes us childlike.
2. Don’t use “young people” jargon; it makes you appear inexperienced and amateurish. Expressions such as “awesome” or “cool” used as one-word interjections or responses instead of the adjectives that they are belong in conversations with your peers, not in a professional world. When a senior hears such terms, they lose confidence in your ability to handle the business at hand and their money.
3. Don’t speak louder figuring we’ll understand better unless you see signs that we are hearing impaired. We may look frail and vulnerable, but we are not kids. We studied hard in school, worked at jobs and careers, and reared our children.  We are very smart and perceptive even if we don’t look or act it.
4. Identify who your buyer is. If we are the paying customer, talk to us. Never infer by your approach that we are less than adequate. If we are the one pulling out the credit card, signing the check, opening our wallet, or handing you the coins from our piggy bank, we are your target customer.
5. If we are accompanied by someone younger such as one of our adult children or grandchildren, do not talk past us and aim your pitch to them because you think they’re better able to understand. If we’re paying the bill, aim your pitch to us. If we need help from our companion, we can ask for it. 
6. If someone with us begins to assume the major role in the discussion/negotiation, always include us in anything you say, whether it be by spanning your eyes at both of us, addressing each of us individually one after the other, or however you accomplish delivery to a group.
7. Figure out our needs. For example: If I’m shopping for a new car and just want one that is easy to handle, stop trying to sell me all the complicated Bells and Whistles which I don’t understand and can’t operate. Just start with five wheels, four to roll on and one to steer. You might briefly mention that there are optional add-ons if I’m interested, but then shut up. If I want more information about the heated seats, cruise control, lane assist, keyless entry, or any of the other B&Ws that car manufacturers have created to pry additional money out of me, I’ll ask about them. Shoving them down my throat makes me gag and want to flee.
8. Treat seniors with respect and dignity at all times.
9. Always remember: Never, ever, ever shut us out, or you do so to your own detriment.

Finally, to seniors: if any of the above happens to you, just turn and walk away. Never submit to being treated poorly. You deserve to be respected and dealt with properly by anyone with whom you come in contact no matter who they might be.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Aw, Go Fly a Kite

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

I was walking in a lovely park on a beautiful spring day with my son recently. What a treat! His family was occupied with other activities. Usually there is someone else around competing for his attention, but this time I had him all to myself.

After strolling through pristine nature including along the waterline of a Pacific Ocean bay, we came upon a section filled with kites and their handlers. They were of all sizes, shapes, colors, and persuasions, both aerial gliders and grounded pilots. There was even a mobile kite shop housed in a truck to fulfill all one’s kiting needs.

I guess the word had gotten around to the local practitioners and aficionados as to the location of the kite happening. New arrivals steadily joined those already there, with many launching their prized entrants.

The gliders battled in an unofficial competition, vying for the originality of their designs and the skill of their operators. They sported elaborate patterns, long tails, and a human at the other end adept at manipulating the thin string that separated them. I witnessed complicated maneuvers including swooping, soaring, and a variety of loop-the-loops. One acrobatic combination outdid the next with the tails forming coils, snakes, figure eights and the like.

Kites bring up many thoughts. “Go fly a kite” was a provocative taunt used by young people which began over 100 years ago. It was also blurted out to encourage an irritating person to leave. Of course, I must not forget to mention the most famous kite flyer of all: Benjamin Franklin. In 1752, he proved the connection between lightning and electricity by attaching a wire, a hemp string, a silk string, and finally a metal key to a kite which he launched during a thunder storm. For more in-depth details of Franklin’s experiment, google it.

We humans are like kites. We soar to great heights, swoop to great lows, and our wobbly path through life definitely consists of loop-the-loops. Yet we are tethered to our responsibilities: family, children, jobs… The leash keeps us secure, but it should not stop us from flying. Always be a kite. Just because you are grounded and stable does not mean you can’t reach for the sky.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Loss, Loss, and More Loss

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

A friend recently asked me to write a blog about death or decline as is happening to many friends in her life and certainly in mine. She talked about the sadness she feels as she deletes yet one more contact from her address list. That reality also hits as she sees names she recognizes in the obituary column or hears about the passing of celebrities in the upper age ranges.

When we reach the category of senior citizen, we are supposed to enter our golden years. The prize is to be wise, content, and find purpose. Yes, we may have those feelings some of the time, but like all ages and stages, life is cyclical.

One of the low points of being a senior is how losing peers seems to be accelerating. This ranges from significant others to mere acquaintances. The number of collective deaths increases dramatically as more and more age plateaus are reached.

Living in a senior retirement community of thousands, I hear ambulance sirens more often than before I moved here. News of someone in my sphere dying has sped up, like the counter on the gas pump as you squeeze harder on the nozzle trigger. So many close friends or relatives are gone. Those who are left keep wondering which one will be next.

Many years ago, my longtime friend, Maya, and I had a similar discussion. She had been slowly deteriorating as her Parkinson’s disease progressed.

“You’re the last man standing, Lee Gale,” she told me one day, while comparing my robust body with her frail one.

I lost Maya a few years ago. She was four years younger than I. Her husband allowed me to choose some of her belongings to keep. Although they don’t match my decor, that’s not important. They enhance my home, reminding me of her and of our friendship, which is so much more important than lack of color or style coordination. Other rooms display belongings from family members and friends who are now gone, too. Those treasures comfort me and make me feel connected to the ones who have exited my life.

I’ve written before on loss and death. See my blogs of December 9, 2018: “A Tandakoan’s Reflection on an Obituary,” and December 4, 2016: “The Death of a Friend.”

Such considerations can cripple us and plunge us into fear and depression. We must fight against harmful emotions by trying hard to emphasize the wondrous parts of our lives. Of course, it’s restorative to mourn our losses. However, at the same time we must preserve what brings us pleasure and purpose: friends, family, activities, learning, exploration, and so on? Don’t let those valuable nuggets slip away. Hang onto them as if your life depended upon it, because it does. Continue to immerse yourself in those pursuits, and let them heal you.

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Photo credit: Tobyotter on Visualhunt

Full-Time Half-Mast

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

An American flag flies at the entrance to the community where I live. These days, it seems to be perpetually at half-mast. The practice started several centuries ago and referred to such an action on a ship. When done on land, the term is: half-staff. Currently, both terms are used interchangeably. There is also strict protocol on the raising and lowering of a flag to this position.

The half-mast tradition is to show respect, distress, or mourning. Many years ago, I remember it only being used following the death of someone of great importance such as the president of the United States. Nowadays, more and more it is to honor those killed in local mass violence  incidents.

In recent times, such occurrences seem to be a daily happening in our nation. I no longer even ask why the flag is flying at half-mast. Too many people have become angry, disenchanted with the life in this country, and are looking to take out as many people as they can, often committing suicide as an encore to their finale.

I’ve never understood why such an act seems so compelling. What is it about murdering a bunch of humans before doing yourself in rather than just the latter alone that motivates these mass murderers? Perhaps what I should be asking is why such behavior has become so commonplace? Is it the ease in obtaining weapons that makes it quick and effective? Is it the trendy “way to go” which rubs off from one to another? Is it the making of some grand statement before exiting with a flourish? We can’t just chalk it up to mental illness as some propose. There are a lot of mentally ill individuals who do not commit mass murder. Conversely, there are numerous mass murderers who are not mentally ill.

Of course, it’s impossible to know why any one individual stockpiles weapons and ammunition, singles out their Homo sapiens of choice, and goes at it. Sometimes, we can surmise the reason when their prey consists of significant others, or the deed is carried out at a workplace where the assassin had been castigated or dismissed from their job and is looking for payback to targeted victims. However, so often the crime is executed against total strangers. Perhaps they represent something in the perpetrator’s mind as ideal for a symbolic act of revenge.

Whether or not we figure out the motive, the fact remains that the scourge is increasing. Domestic murder has grown to epidemic proportions right along with COVID-19. No longer can children just go out and play in the streets as they did when I was a child. Today, it’s supervised play dates with friends or being accompanied by parents wherever they go.

Grab life while you can, folks. You never know who’s going to go off when you or your loved ones randomly happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

Home Therapy

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

CHITCHAT: I was recently interviewed in Authority Magazine, an online e-zine (a magazine published in an electronic format on the internet), on the topic: “Second Chapters: How I Reinvented Myself In The Second Chapter Of My Life.” Here is the link to the interview: https://medium.com/authority-magazine/lee-gale-gruen-second-chapters-how-i-reinvented-myself-in-the-second-chapter-of-my-life-14eba2cf7a07

Now, on to my blog:

I love to hang around hardware stores; I always have. They contain such fascinating items for building and repairing anything you can think of. Engaging with the store clerks helps me learn about the gadgets I’m encountering. When I was a young bride, I’d frequent hardware stores to help in decorating our new home. So often, a clerk, usually an older man, would advise me to have my husband come in so he could explain it to him.

“My husband has ten thumbs,” I’d snap. “I’m the mechanical one, so explain it to me!”

Okay, maybe it was only eight thumbs, but his strengths favored his mind, not his fine motor skills. I remember the day we bought the crib for our soon-to-be-born first child. After choosing from all the beautiful ones on display at the baby store, we were handed a box to take home and assemble. My husband insisted on doing the job; isn’t that what a new father is supposed to do? I could see that he was screwing it up, but whenever I tried to offer advice, he got mad. We had a big argument over that one. When he went to work the next day, I took it all apart and reassembled it correctly.

I often go to Home Depot which is the largest home improvement company in the country open to the general public. Its locations all look the same: a cube of a warehouse filled with most things to fix or upgrade your digs. It also operates in Mexico and Canada.

HD has aisle after aisle with such intriguing signs as: plumbing, electrical, lumber, garden, storage, shelving, hardware, fasteners, doors, bath, kitchen, fencing, mowers, lighting, insulation, tools, and the list goes on. Each intrigues me. It’s better than the proverbial candy store lusted after by kids. I can’t wait to find out what wonders are there. I’ve written before on my adventures at HD. (See my blog of May 27, 2019 titled: “Watson.”)

A friend calls it my therapy. In fact, she renamed the store “Home Therapy.” She’s right, and it’s a lot cheaper than ongoing sessions with a psychotherapist. Don’t tell the Home Therapy management, or they’ll start charging me an entrance fee. So right now, after walking the rows at HT for the past few hours, I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot writing this blog.

Unfortunately, HT, as wonderful as it is, can’t measure up to the hardware stores of my youth. Those independently operated, mom and pop gems didn’t have merchandise in little plastic bags with the manufacturer’s paper label on them, forcing you to buy a dozen screws when you only needed two.

Most of them have gone under, driven out by big chains like HT. However, one that held on for almost 100 years before closing in 2017 was in Santa Monica, California, near where I lived for the first 75 years of my life. It was called: Busy Bee Hardware. When you walked into Busy Bee, shelves seem to go up to the ceiling filled with anything you could think of to aid in construction or repair. Yes, they had some items in the plastic bags with the paper labels, but many of those were dusty, having been there for eons it seems, just like the store personnel.

My favorite section of Busy Bee held their hidden stash. Strange little gadgets were sequestered in the wall of tiny, wooden drawers behind the counter that seemed to go on forever. Anything you could want or imagine was certainly there.

Today, I was searching for a very odd item. I had bought an antique lamp which I love. However, I’m planning to top it with a taller shade. That requires a taller harp (the wire apparatus which forms parentheses around the lightbulb and holds up the shade). The modern harps fit on the lamp, but the little threaded screw sticking up from the top to which I must attach the finial to hold the shade secure has a narrower diameter then the receiving end inside the lamp’s original finial. I had a similar situation with another old lamp, and it had an adapter inside. I’ve since learned that said item has a name: a lamp finial reducer. You simply screw it into the old finial and, presto, the inside threaded portion is narrowed, ready to screw onto its counterpart on a new age harp.

HT does not stock finial reducers. Apparently, they’re not a highly sought after item–go figure. I am sure that if I were able to visit Busy Bee Hardware and explain my problem to a staff member, he/she would go behind the counter, open one of those mysterious drawers, and pull out exactly what I need. Oh Busy Bee, I miss you.

Not everything new and shiny is so wonderful. Sometimes the things we used to take for granted and are now gone were better than their current replacements–at least those requiring finial reducers et al.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

That Poor Scapegoat Just Can’t Catch a Break

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

CHITCHAT: I was recently interviewed in Authority Magazine, an online e-zine (a magazine published in an electronic format on the Internet), on the topic: “Second Chapters: How I Reinvented Myself In The Second Chapter Of My Life.” Here is the link to the interview: https://medium.com/authority-magazine/lee-gale-gruen-second-chapters-how-i-reinvented-myself-in-the-second-chapter-of-my-life-14eba2cf7a07

Now, on to my blog:

When people are aggrieved, they often take to the streets to make their voices heard. I recently attended a public demonstration in my retirement village. The protesters were of all races, hues, genders, and ages, there to support the Asian community which is the current visible face of anger and blame for the anguish caused by the Covid 19 coronavirus currently ravishing mankind. For some irrational reason, just because said virus started in China, vitriol has been hurled against Asians, Chinese or not, even those who were born in the United States. You might just as well say that all humans are responsible because the virus started in the world.

I spent my time walking up and down the line of attendees, taking photographs of the mostly homemade signs many held up. They are re-produced below. I’ve written on the theme of public demonstrations before complete with photos of signs displayed by participants. (See my blog of January 21, 2017, “Speaking Out.”)

Everyone in the crowd was masked, still adhering to Covid 19 protocols, which made it difficult to recognize anyone I knew and vice versa. That didn’t matter; what mattered was body count. I was there in solidarity with a group whose members all shared the same indignation about the recent uptick in abuse toward Asians ranging from racially tinged statements to outright violence. The demonstrators were friendly and very appreciative of each one’s efforts.

Some people feel they must have a target toward which to aim their wrath–the stereotypical scapegoat, a concept that started 500 years ago. If one is not easily available, another will do just as well.

Folks are fearful and angry about the destruction that the Covid 19 virus has caused including death, illness, job loss, isolation, and more. Somehow, a few of the more deranged persuasion figure that harming an Asian will assuage those emotions. I’m not sure how you get from Point A to Point B in that particular scenario, but scapegoating just doesn’t work as the perpetrator intended. The coronavirus wreaking havoc on the world today is simply not interested in whom you choose to damage as it follows its natural course, fueled by the defiant and reckless behavior of too many.

The most recent outrage occurred during a mass shooting on March 16, 2021 at three Atlanta, Georgia spas, killing mostly Asian women. The confessed murderer, who may have religious conflict issues, apparently claimed he was having a bad day and that his motivation for committing the crimes was his sex addiction. I guess he’s positioning himself for the ever popular “the-devil-made-me-do-it” defense.

Any excuse one has for bad behavior does not mitigate their particular pressing problem or bad day. Viruses or any other social or natural problems are not influenced by which target you choose to blame, injure, or kill. Your same demons will be waiting for you after your dastardly deed, whether it be launching bullets or racial slurs.

Again I ponder as others have before me, “Why can’t we all just get along?” It seems humanity is always destined for the negative in that utopian goal.

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SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.

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Buying My Own Red Cabbage

This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com

Now, on to my blog:

Eureka, I am free! I’ve had my second Covid 19 vaccine shot, and the requisite time has passed for all those little antibodies boogieing around inside to kick in and protect my corpus. I’m ready to come out of hibernation! I spent the entire lockdown without entering a supermarket. I’ve written on this theme before. (See my blog of 5-27-20: “Missing the Little Things.”). Now, finally, I can do my own shopping–oh joy, oh rapture!

My marketing chores had been done by erstwhile professional shoppers through the local shopping app, who then delivered them to my door. Thank you, guys. You are among the first responders, keeping the rest of us safe or at least safer. As a result of a breakdown in communication, however, at times I received some strange items having nothing to do with what I had in mind as my choices were fed into a computer.

As part of my last online order, I requested one red cabbage. My groceries arrived, and indeed it contained said item. However, it was the biggest red cabbage I have ever seen, weighing in at four pounds. I could have drilled a few holes and launched it as a lightweight bowling ball. I normally use red cabbage only as one of many ingredients in a green salad, so a small one lasts me a long time. Now that I had received a lifetime supply, I took to google for recipes. Subsequently, I have used my multi-pounder for items such as colorful coleslaw and braised sweet and sour cabbage. Nevertheless, I still have 1.63 pounds left–sigh.

Yes, I have been hungering, thirsting, and pining to do my own food shopping. What I used to consider just a necessary chore became a wished for dream. Now, I am able to make my own decisions about how and what I eat. I cruise the aisles choosing my old favorites that had been unavailable to me with a middleman involved. I evaluate, weigh, and judge each item, using my brain and personal likes and dislikes. No longer am I a child to someone else’s parenting. Of course, my red cabbage scenario extrapolates to all the other areas of my life.

When we relinquish our personal power and control to someone or something else, we become dependent. It is then difficult to make our own decisions. So, I’ve taken mine back. I’m still sharp and don’t need caretakers. What about you? Once you’ve had your requisite vaccinations, reclaim what you had to give up. Step back into your big boy pants or big girl dress!

Photo credit: Koshyk on VisualHunt / CC BY

SYNOPSES OF BOOKS BY: LEE GALE GRUEN

Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors.  A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me.  This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever.  I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book.  I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting.  As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill.  I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.

***

Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.