This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Are you a standing out or a blending in kind of gal/guy? These two types of personalities are found near opposite ends of a continuum, and all people fit in somewhere along that line. The extremes are akin to extrovert versus introvert but not quite to the extent that those labels bring to mind.
A standing out person might be more chatty, exuberant, flashy, etc. A blending in person might be more introspective, subtle, reserved, and the like. One is not better than the other, necessarily. They both have their pros and cons.
Personality types are evident in very young children. It seems to be something that one is born with. Then, a little environmental influence along the maturation process is added to the basic recipe, and the whole mixture molds that human to establish his/her personality. That is what usually determines where you fall on the personality scale when you finally reach adulthood.
A standing out kind of person might attract more attention to themselves, but that attention could be either positive or negative. A blending in type of person might harbor envy of the standing-outers who usually get the lion’s share of attention. Of course, standing-outers might be jealous of the blending-iners who may not get the blame as often.
Standing out can be exhausting while blending in might seem to be less taxing and energy draining. However, blending-iners might suffer more internal turmoil from the lack of recognition they think they deserve.
You probably can’t change your innate personality, but you may be able to modify it if you’re willing to put in the effort required to do so. The trick to contentment, however, is to accept your own personality type and make peace with it.
Regardless, of which personality you tend to favor, there are careers, activities, companions, and rewards available to suit your type. Seek them out and take advantage of them at your own comfort level. Trial and error will help you find your particular niche.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
I used to have a casual friend who I usually encountered in a group situation. Occasionally, we spoke on the phone, most often to discuss an upcoming get-together of our mutual friends. I remember when I would call her, she was often “so busy.” Her frequent reply to my opening “Hi, how are you?” was, “Oh, hi. I can give you five minutes.”
How benevolent of her to grant me five minutes of her valuable time. However, what I got out of her generosity was that I no longer cared to call her. She was condescending, and obviously, I was rarely high enough on her list of priorities to warrant more than five minutes allotted to me.
I had a different friend who is, also, now a former friend. She started associating with another crowd, and I hadn’t talked to her for a while. One day, I was thinking about her, so I called her just to chat. After my opening “Hi, how are you?” her response after the obligatory “fine” was, “What did you call about?” What I called about was not a specific matter but just for some connection. She made me feel foolish with her confrontational question, as though it were a business matter and how she could be most efficient in hurrying it along. I think you can pretty much guess our future relationship. Neither of us called the other again.
I’m not interested in friends like that. Let the first aforementioned person give her valuable five minutes to someone else. Let the second not have my friendship. I, on the other hand, will spend my time and energy with those who appreciate me and vice versa.
Do you have such a situation in your life; maybe the same words are not used, but it’s the same idea? You know that guy/gal who always leaves you feeling a little wonky after finishing your contact with them? Something is not quite right, but you can’t figure out what it is. If so, spend a little time analyzing why that person is so off-putting. If, on the other hand, you are the off-putter, be aware of why your friends keep melting away.
There’s no need for anyone to continue batting their head against the proverbial wall. Simply walk away from involvement with people who make you feel unworthy. I know that’s not always easy. It might be someone close such as a family member or one who is part of a larger group of friends. Nevertheless, there’s no need for you to feel demeaned each time you have an interaction with them. Find others who make you feel good about yourself and are able and willing to give you more than just five minutes.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Everyone has an angle. No, I’m not talking about the 90 degree type or its gradients. I mean an angle in the sense of one’s agenda. It is a selfish manipulation of a situation in order to maximize it for one’s own benefit. That is not a good thing or a bad thing. It is simply human nature–or actually animal nature. We must behave that way in order to insure our own survival.
However, some people carry it to an extreme. They go far beyond mere survival. Their “angle” is to drive as much of the communal resources toward themselves as they can, often to the detriment of the other members. That’s when an angle begins swinging from neutral toward the far end of the pendulum’s arc.
We see that a lot these days. For example, there is way too much wealth concentrated in the hands of way too few. That leaves way too many without the ability to satisfy even their basic needs.
Some will say that those unfortunate folks were simply not smart enough, not sharp enough, not swift enough, not lucky enough, not resourceful enough, not…not…not. That may be so, but are those reasons to justify why smarties, sharpies, swifties, et al should have far more than they will ever be able to use in their lifetime or their children’s lifetimes or their grandchildren’s lifetimes or…or…or? Even with spending it as fast as they can on lavish goods and projects such as vanity rocket ships, they still can’t seem to get rid of their money. The structure of their businesses and investments along with the laws and politics that accompany them add more wealth to fill any gap in their financial portfolios that their expenditures create.
These are questions that our society has grappled with historically and is currently grappling with. How long do we let this situation continue? Is it until we are not only witnessing homeless encampments on the side of our local roads, but when we are actually stepping around the impoverished as we walk down the sidewalks that abut those roads or honk impatiently at them as we are trying to pull our cars out of the driveway. How long do we wait?
Of course, our ever-ready police departments will clear away such intruders into our manicured neighborhoods. That works fine when there are one or two or ten. But, what about when there are several dozen, several hundred, several…? How long do we wait?
Yes, I know–in order to incentivize a person to be creative and innovative, some type of reward is usually required, and that reward is most often monetary along with its resultant Three-Ps: power, privilege, and prestige. Still…
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
We are all hiding some parts of ourselves from the light of day. They are those parts we don’t want to reveal to others lest they disapprove, judge, and deem us unworthy or undesirable. Yes, everyone has those hidden aspects no matter how attractive, rich, personable, or privileged they might be.
We have learned along the way what is socially acceptable and what is not. We skillfully hide our not-so-attractive parts with a magician’s sleight-of-hand. We keep talking constantly so as to deflect our audience from potentially discovering our flaws. We toss out glib remarks to detour others from learning our secrets. We withhold personal details to keep them from gaining an upper hand.
The downside is that our hypervigilance becomes exhausting and a time suck. Juggling balls is no fun. When do we get to “let our hair down” and be our authentic self?
For some, the answer is never. However, for many others as they age, they begin to realize that these great secrets they’ve spent so much time and energy hiding are not the big deals that they always thought they were. The reality is that most people are spending their attention and efforts on their own issues to care much about yours.
What I’m suggesting is to stop hiding your imperfections. I know it’s a scary thought and a complete about face from your decades old modus operandi. But, think of the upside. Your life may become so much less stressful–worrisome. (I’ve written on this topic before. Click here to read my blog of 6-26-18: “The Big Reveal” and here to read my blog of 4-29-19: “Hiding.”)
You don’t have to unmask everything at once. Try it in baby steps. Expose just one or a few of your vulnerabilities, and see how that goes. Then, assess the outcome. Have you become the pariah of your community or did people really not care? If you survived that first attempt, try another one. You may not need to let it all hang out, but at least start taking off some of your makeup and showing others what you really look like underneath. All you have to gain is a greater comfort level in your life.
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BOOKS BY:LEE GALE GRUEN
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
We are all travelers just passing through. We rail, stomp our feet, and carry on about this and that. It all seems so urgent – – so important. But, one day, we will be replaced by younger railers, stompers, and carriers. They will behave like us, just with different faces.
So, what’s it all about, Alfie? Is it worth the anger, vitriol, stress, and everything else that we subject ourselves and others to? All the huffies that we drag from one decade to the next seem like a giant burden, and often the reason is minimal or forgotten completely.
As a teenager, obnoxious as most in that category, I used to argue with my father to spend more money. He was a tightwad in my mind. Truth be told, he was very frugal with his money, having lived through the depression of the 1930s and been subjected to its deprivations.
“You can’t take it with you,” I’d remind him over and over.
“Then, I’m not going,” he’d answer each time.
He may have plagiarized that funny quip, but it didn’t matter. That call and response game became our private joke. We got to the point where we’d shout out his predictable reply in unison, cracking up and bonding. Nevertheless, there was a point to our back-and-forth.
What happened as my father aged is that he did loosen up. He began to realize that his life was finite, and that he wanted to find more joy in the years he had left. Although he never became extravagant in the money spending department, he wasn’t as rigid as in his earlier years.
Those in younger generations to whom I am close: children, grandchildren, etc. have similar conversations with and about me. The subject might not concern money, but it deals with matters that are generational disconnects.
The reality is that you may think you own real estate, automobiles, jewelry, and the like. Nope, you are simply temporary custodians. You are just travelers, passing through.
Travel lightly. Remember to be kind to those who come after you so they will have loving, caring conversations about you when your journey here is complete.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
What’s in a name? pondered the Bard. Well, a lot it turns out. Names (or words) are just utterances–sounds made by air in our lungs forced out through our vocal cords which then vibrate to create them. However, we imbue names/words with great power or the lack thereof, depending on collective agreement. Some words we label “dirty.” Others are lofty, special, common, funny, and on and on. Why?
It’s because we humans have designated certain sounds or combinations of sounds to conjure up brain images of what we encounter in life. It’s our way of coping with our world. It orders it and makes it communicable between one another. That seems benign enough. However, the problem lies when such sounds are twisted, misinterpreted, and abused.
One example that jabs at me is the word: elderly. It seems to be used these days in a pejorative manner. It indicates that one is less than–is failing simply because of advanced age. There is a lot of brouhaha now about that around our 2024 potential candidates for U.S. President.
I don’t see myself in that elderly cast. I feel creative and full of zest for life. I participate in many activities, both physical and mental, ranging from attendance at a philosophy discussion group to hula dancing. True, there are some things I can’t do anymore that were a cinch when I was younger. Does that mean that I am no longer valid–that I should be put out to pasture? I don’t think so, and I refuse to accept that.
It’s odd that the term elderly evokes such a visual. The noun from which that adverb hails is “elder.” It has an opposite connotation. I have previously used the term elder in my writing in a complimentary way.
An elder is a person who, although in advanced years, is wise, knowledgeable, respected, and revered. Why does the addition of two little letters turn it on its head? I choose to toss them away and use the noun version to describe myself. You can, too.
With the snip of a pair of invisible scissors, you can go from elderly to elder. All it takes is a decision, a bit of will, and a little imagination mixed together in a powerful brew that will ward off the dreaded “ly.”
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
As an elderly woman, my mother let her illnesses define her. She was either going to the doctor, taking her medications, or complaining about how she felt. That was pretty much all she talked about. She would get mad if we, her husband and two daughters, tried to change the subject. We attempted to be understanding, but we were unsuccessful, and our interactions only made us share her depression.
I saw the same thing happen with a good friend. We had known each other for over twenty-five years. During most of our friendship, she was vivacious, fun, and truly a person who grabbed life. As she aged, she developed some serious health issues. Slowly, they begin to take over the fun part of her. The year before she died, she was depressed, angry, and joyless. I tried to be supportive, but it became a real downer being around her. I grew to dread our phone calls and visits.
My father spent the last two years of his life bedridden in a nursing home hooked up to a feeding tube. He, on the other hand, was upbeat and never complained. He greeted me with a big smile whenever I came to see him. We often played cards, and we also took “walks” which consisted of me pushing him around the block in his wheelchair as we chatted.
I had another friend who got cancer. She underwent serious treatments including a bone marrow transplant. She never spoke about her illness. She tried to stay involved in the activities of her family members and friends. If she felt in need of some rest, she’d just go quietly into another room and lie down for a while. She, a few other friends, and I went on a skiing vacation four months before she died.
Recently, I have developed some respiratory health issues. Fortunately, they are not very serious or life-threatening. Nevertheless, they have required a change in lifestyle. My diet is restricted, and I need to take medications, both orally and via inhaler. Yes, they cramp my style. Yes, they are a time suck. No, I don’t want to define my life by them.
I do not want to give up the activities I love. I am devising ways to modify my behavior. I refuse to turn into my mother or my first aforementioned friend. There are too many wonderful things to live for, and I plan to continue doing so with as much exuberance as I can muster. My father and my second above friend are my role models. They are whom I plan to emulate.
As we age, we can’t avoid illnesses. What we do have control over is how we choose to live with them.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
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Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Some months ago, I attended a community theater performance featuring a small cast. One of the performers was an acquaintance. After the play was over, the actors came out to mingle with the audience members. I approached my acquaintance and told him he had done a good job. His response:
“Oh, Lee Gale, thank you so much. That means a lot to me coming from you.”
Wow, “…coming from you”! I was taken aback. I didn’t know he thought so highly of my acting abilities. It made me feel warm and kind of special. I also admired him for his willingness to compliment another. That’s not easy for many folks to do; they see it as diminishing themselves.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about the experience.
“Oh, yes, that’s the new thing to say.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that you’re starting to hear that phrase a lot lately.”
Well, I had never heard it before. The whole sweet compliment instantly soured for me. I originally had thought his statement was showing admiration for my work as an actress. What had made me feel respected and validated, now made me feel foolish when viewed through this new lens.
I was full of mind questions: Was the aforementioned acquaintance just using the newest, trendy platitude to throw me some crumbs? Was it actually a subtle snub? Was he laughing behind my back at my naiveté? Did it give him some sort of perverse satisfaction? Was it his “gotcha” of the day? Was I stupid not to have seen through it and to have just accepted it on its face?
I’ll never know if the speaker meant his statement to me sincerely or just as a throw away. What I do know is that I’m sick of the slick, verbal interchange so many humans engage in. It’s old, tiring, and too often in poor taste.
Be honest in your praise of others. Be genuine and stop playing snarky word games; that’s kid’s stuff. Engaging in subtle put-downs is off-putting, and it’s actually the practitioner who ends up in the worst light, not his/her victim.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Last month, I took a wonderful car trip with my son. We traveled the northern coast of California in all its fury. It was great just to hang out together and share the experience.
In one small town, we stopped at a Dollar Store. The only thing I found was a $1.25 pair of fleece gloves. (Why the Dollar Store charges $1.25 for an item is a matter for another blog entirely.)
We proceeded to the automated cashier. My son took the gloves out of the shopping cart and scanned them. Nothing happened, so he scanned them a second time. Suddenly, the machine came to life, and the bill was for two pairs of gloves per the double scan. He tried to cancel the transaction but to no avail.
A store clerk appeared out of nowhere, punched in a code, the machine chortled a few times, and we were back to the new purchase screen. My son scanned the gloves, navigated his way to the checkout screen, and the machine informed us that the total purchase with tax would be $1.36.
I put my credit card in the appropriate slot and was ordered by the screen to wait for processing. We waited and waited and waited and waited. The aforementioned clerk happened to be walking by, and we hailed him over for the second time. Again, he typed in some special numbers, and we were thrust back to page one. Once more my son scanned the gloves. Again he made his way to the payment page for the $1.36 transaction.
I offered my credit card, but my son said, “No, we don’t want to play that game again. I’ll just pay cash. That’ll be faster.” He inserted a dollar into the appropriate place and then dropped a quarter into the change slot. The machine wouldn’t accept the quarter and kept spitting it into the little container below each time it was fed the coin anew.
For the third time, we hailed our clerk. Magic numbers flew, the dollar was returned (not the quarter) and we were back to page one again whereupon the clerk left.
My son repeated the requested steps and reached the payment page. However, fearful of angering the machine God yet another time, we hailed the clerk since we now revered him as a person with supernatural powers.
The clerk loaded in the bill and coins and completed the transaction. The whole thing, a $1.36 sale, was so ludicrous that I began to laugh. My laughter grew from a deep well within, and I couldn’t stop it. It was infectious, and my son caught it. We were completely out of control, cracking up together in sheer exuberance. Even when we calmed ourselves, a glance by one to the other reignited the whole exercise.
Laughing with someone else can be bonding and healing. Remember to laugh long and loud with those in your life, even if bystanders look askance and judge your behavior as outrageous.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
This blog is written by Lee Gale Gruen to help retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors reinvent themselves in this new stage of their lives called retirement. Her blog, public lecture, and new self-help book on senior reinvention are titled: Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire. Her memoir is: Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class. Books descriptions follow her blog below. Both books are available at Amazon.com by clicking here and here. Her website is: LeeGaleGruen.com
Now, on to my blog:
Stop means stop even if that exact phrasing isn’t used. The current seriousness of that command has been the subject of recent court cases involving unwanted sexual encounters. However, there are many other scenarios where we might want someone to stop their behavior toward us.
The offensive act could be physical, verbal, or involve body language or facial expressions. It can pertain to your property, decision making, finances, or any other interference into your personal business by another.
We can choose a variety of methods to convey that we want someone’s specific action to cease. We might hold our palms out in a defensive way, or we might verbalize some sort of displeasure such as “No,” “I don’t think so,” or “That’s not comfortable for me” to name a few.
If your “no” is subtle or open to interpretation, the offender may misunderstand it, deliberately or not. In that case, his/her irritiating behavior will continue until it accomplishes its purpose. The take-away is that you must be crystal clear in your “stop” words or actions. You may have to repeat them several times. You may have to raise your voice. You may finally have to pose a response such as “What part of no (or stop) don’t you understand?” It’s snarky and overused, but it will get the point across.
If you are the culprit, cut it out when someone signals their dislike of your conduct toward them. Unless you have no sensitivity at all, you most likely understood the message, and if you continue your unwanted actions, you have made a conscious decision to do so. Even if you feel that your agenda is more important than your victim’s, it’s their choice how to go about their own life. To ignore that to your own ends is just plain self-serving and mean. People don’t like it when you disrespect them. How do you feel when it happens to you?
Many ignore others rights and just barrel through. However, we all have the prerogative of not being the recipient of objectionable behavior. It’s up to each individual to set their boundaries and prohibit others from crossing them. Such a course is uncomfortable for many to do. Nevertheless, you must toughen up and learn to stand your ground. It’s the only way of controlling your own life rather than allowing others to do so. By acquiescing, you have made a decision to permit the intruder to interfere in your decisions. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s something you want. However, if you don’t, it will upset you, nag at you, and puncture your self-esteem.
Take charge of your own decision making. As a last resort, you just might have to leave the staging area.
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BOOKS BY:LEE GALE GRUEN
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire (self-help): Not a one-size-fits-all approach, this self-help book for retirees, those soon to retire, baby boomers, and seniors offers an individualized, detailed guide to assist readers in discovering activities and pursuits in this new stage of their lives called retirement, based on their own likes and comfort level. I learned the secret the hard way transitioning from retired probation officer to actress, author, public speaker, and blogger. Audience members at my lectures on senior reinvention requested a book on the subject. This is the result, and it contains the content of those talks and six years of posts from this blog. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class (memoir): After retiring at age 60 from my 37-year career as a probation officer, I mistakenly enrolled in an acting class for seniors. A few weeks later, my mother died, and I invited my grieving, 85-year-old father to come to class with me. This is the true story of our magical journey attending that class together for three years, bonding more than ever. I wrote the comedy scenes we performed onstage twice a year in the acting class showcases, and all six scenes are included in the book. I eventually transitioned into the world of professional acting. As my fledgling, second career started going uphill, my dad’s health started going downhill. I would recount to him each of my new experiences while I sat beside his bed at the nursing home where he resided in his final years. CLICK here TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON.COM.
***
Please forward my blog in its entirety to anyone who might be interested, and post it on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media accounts. To reprint any material, contact me for permission at: gowergulch@yahoo.com. If you want to be automatically notified when I post a new blog, click on the “Follow” button in the upper right corner of this page and fill in the information. To read my other blog posts, scroll down on this page or click on “Recent Posts” or “Archives” under the Follow button. To opt out of receiving this blog, contact me at the aforementioned email address, let me know, and I’ll remove you from the list.
Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years 